i HATE being taken for granted..

i feel like everyone(or majority of the people) in my life do.

am i too shy? too friendly? too nice? do too much things for people?
too thoughtful? what is it?


i don't like being mistreated. I will not tolerate it. i'm not some toy
i need RESPECT.
sometimes, i might be too blind to see it but when you do it too much, i notice.
You think i don't notice the little things? I do. In fact, i think those are the things i notice the most.
i'm a fairly happy person, i'm easy to be pleased but treat me right people.

on another note..
Today:
- i've been reading a whole lot on topics that have nothing to do with my classes.. its just for fun. Yes i feel like a nerd but i also feel good knowing a tad more than i did yesterday and keeping up with current events.
- tried that new aspirin&honey thing for my face and it works! my face is softer.
- Thought about a lot while cunteno played video games and i waited for my wings.
- Parmesan Garlic Wings @ Wingstop! yummy. btw. Quiznos and that other business next to it are hot headed. -___-
- walked around everywhere with Cunteno.
- Girls tennis game.
- visited Nogales High. HATE THAT SCHOOL. Mr. Anderson looks like a dike.
- Benji walked me home real quick and waited for me while i hopped into my window since i didn't have a key. walked back to school w/ him after that.
- Chilled with Val, Benji, Jimray, Edgar, Axel, and.. some other guy. had great conversations.
- btw. thank you Jackie Averia for cheering me up & distracting me from my troubles when i am down! even if that means kidnapping me. hahaha Thank you for always hitting me up, joking around, deep talks, stupid, silly things we do, going on adventures, seeing how i am at random times, and respoding through text from my tweets hahaha. I LOVE YOU!
- i had great conversations with Galo on the phone & fb, Cunteno and Benji while walking around. They're the homies.
great conversations make me go..








Its the simple things in life that bring me happiness.

late night Bowling

Hung out with Jackie, Dorothy, CJ, Gabe, David, and Forster.

"Some people make things happen, some, watch things happen and some wonder what happen?"

- I'm normally a happy person. However when people around me are all negative and shit.. that starts bringing me down. ): I'm learning how to not let that phase me.
- I always have a lot to say, i'm just either too shy to say it.. or too lazy to type it haha.. or both
- I'm not stupid. Its just sometimes, i don't know how to explain myself to make the other person understand.. I don't know the right words to make the other person see my views and such. In short, i cant explain myself; well at least i seem to think so. I feel as though i'm trapped in my own head when i cant explain myself.
- i'm indecisive about a lot of things.. i know i only get one chance and when all my options are usually something i want to do, idk what to take that will be more worthwhile!
- i can be gullible. I trust people to tell me the truth but i know that people LIE and when they do, i trust them less every time. When someone says they're going to do something but they don't even TRY,yeah bugs me.
- If you respect me, i'll respect you
- i'm shy but once you make me feel comfortable, then i start opening up.
-

I use to:
- ballet
- paint
- play the piano
- i admit.. i use to do pageants..
- be scared of my barbie dolls
- be hella conservative.. as in wear sweaters and pants in the heat because i was self conscious of my chest.. GROWING and all.. and my armpits starting to sweat. lol



BLAH JUST RANTING! got lots of thangs all up in my brain.

"shoot for the moon because if you fail..you'll land among the stars" -A.k

I've been thinking alot about my future career possibilities lately.
so far here is the plan.. of course, they are subject to change.
If i had the brains for math i'd be an architect... dammit.. but...
I REALLY want to be a dermatologist. I really like working with science and skin, hair, and such.
However since it doesn't matter what i major in in a regular 4 year college.. i'm going to major in nursing so i get my nursing degree and work as a nurse while i am on the waiting list to go to med school for the dermatology program. within that time, i can decide for sure if i really want to do it or have the time&money to pursue it.. at least i have nursing as a career already if dermatology doesn't work out right? Dermatology takes like 18 years of school.. so i'd be a dermatologist when i'm around 40 D:
I'm going to also take a real estate class online &/or pursue a career at Crostex as their sales representative. Its easy money, they pay for all your trips so i don't have to worry about wasting money traveling. And it pays REALLY good. Oh i also want to be a photographer and do makeup&hair(cosmetology) on the side.. oh secretly i want to be a choreographer too but i know thats NOT happening LOL.
In the meantime in college, i want to be a sales associate at a clothing or shoe store. If possible.. maybe even modeling :P TEHE!

Theres SO MANY careers i want to pursue but unfortunately i only have the time span one life to pursue all of them.. so i'll settle for the ones that are in my line of interests and skills.(the ones above) I don't like wasting my time on things or people that don't matter cause i can use that time to establish something worthwhile.
I know you might say, "holy crap thats alot of careers" but really, i don't want to just have one because what happens when one fails? then i have nothing.. thats exactly what happened to my mom and i don't want that to happen. I want to be financially stable individually; i dont want to have to solely depend on my husband. When i go out to buy expensive things i don't have to ask him cause i know i got my own money to spend with a lot more to spare. I want that good life. I don't want to continue settling for just the necessities in life, i want the luxuries that i deserve.

"The greatest war you'll ever face is the battle WITHIN yourself."

I've been kinda moody this week.. probably because of my period but thats no excuse why anyone should just completely disregard my feelings and put myself aside until i come out of this phase.
Usually i have those days where i'm happy the world screw me over so many times because i learned from it and it made me a better person even though i might not have things other people have.
However for the past two days, I've had those feelings when i'm angry at the world for fucking me over. Where would i be today if i had my father with me and my mom? would we be in Texas or still in Chicago? What would have happened if my mom believed in herself to the fullest and pursued a more successful career? Where would i be? What if i cant take any of this shit in this house anymore that i decide to move to NY? ( thats REALLY hard.. thats why i'm hoping Kuya Ryan gets transfered out here to SoCal) How would i be like if i grew up a normal childhood, without major family problems left and right, moving here and there, my privacy in my room(at least where i'll get to close my door), with a mother, a father and a big brother? ..What if?
None of my family problems or my unfortunate childhood is my fault. The people around me made these silly mistakes that weren't even worth creating in the first place. They don't see that they only have one life to live so they shouldn't be creating all this drama&negativity to waste on such a precious lifetime. Its not my fault that i've been exposed to these things but its good because thanks to them, now i know what i certainly don't want to experience or become in my future.
In reality, i should not think about what if's.. actually i don't, just with family matters.. I don't want my children go to through what i went through in my childhood. I want them to grow up as happy,responsible children, with a great relationship with their parents.. (hopefully). 50% of Americans go through a divorce throughout their lifetime.. I sure hope i'm part of the 50% that stay together with my husband.. I'd rather not get married and focus on my career and my cousins rather than wasting a marriage.

Friday the 13th August 2010

I felt very productive today..
- Printing out Job applications and applying online.. i ran out of ink
- Payed for college all by myself :)
- Planning on going grocery shopping tomorrow morning by myself.. I also need to find time/a ride to go to the bank and buy some stamps from the post office sometime this weekend..
BY THE WAY.. did i mention i'm going to be home alone this whole weekend!? Well minus Tito Boy but he's never home anyways! :D
- NAPS! i love them!
- Typed up some stuff and i feel motivated after reading those again :)
- Mini work out.. slowly getting back on track with that lol
- Cj was looking at his old Tumblr posts so i decided to look too and it brought back some lovely memories. (:
sadly..
- It hit me that the mother i once enjoyed talking to really is getting old and she will never be the same again.
- HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA GET TO SCHOOL ONTIME! the bus routes i found take like 2 hours cause it goes all the way around to LA THEN Fullerton. Also, i'm very nervous for my first week.. i'm a lost puppy over there D:


I'm a tad sleepy and i probably should sleep but i'm just so excited! I'm anticipating the adults' departure at 4AM! i cant waste any time this weekend! i've got to enjoy every moment of it.. Relaxing in mi casa with mah babeh<3 In the meantime.. i'll be watching Fresh Prince Season 5... sadly im almost finished with my marathon but in time for college to start so i can focus more. tata for now..

P.S. i need to blog here more often cause sometimes.. i get to hesitant to say things on Tumblr cause everybody checks that.. No one really checks this soo.. you will be my MINI Diary where i will be free to say my feeelings, get all deep and shiiiiiizz. yaknowadimeeaan? PEACE!

Determination

During college
- another job
- Dance class
- Straight A's & worst grade is a B.
- new friends..
- License soon!
- own car & sowing machine!.. and all that good shit.

a few things on my mind

- Everyone has a negative part about themselves.. you can never escape that no matter how hard you try to be perfect. everyone is never gonna stop judging people. You just have to learn not to NGAF.
- One of the things i cant stand is when people give me attitude for no logical reason at all. C'mon, watch what comes out of your mouth&tone of voice and make sure that person really deserves that. It just pisses me off.
- i hate seeing a couple in this situation: i'm not sure exactly how to explain this but.. When you two know you guys are going to be with each other no matter what so you two get too lazy to impress the other and to go on dates and do special things.. and all that stuff. Too lazy to TRY for the other person. Too lazy to do things even fun things with the other person cause hey after all.. they'll love you&be with you no matter what right? -____-

I really like architecture.. if i was bomb at math.. i would definitely become one. But then again.. i really want to be alot of things that i can never be in just one lifetime.. i want to be a marine biologist, a dermatologist, architect, physical therapist /  chiropractor, major in psychology, cosmetologist, photographer, event planner, project organizer/manager, design clothes and have my own clothing brand.., interior decorator. i really wanna be all of these things but all i can think of doing is to just do it for fun i suppose.. or on the side.. but thats a hell of alot of stuff to do on the side. ):

072010;;Tuesday UNEXPECTED CANCELATION OF JACKIE'S DEBUT PRACTICE.

Today i was finally going to go get my dress for Jackie's debut altered but there was just one problem.. I had to wait for my mother to get home so i would have money to get it done.
- woke up at 8 and couldnt go back to sleep so i just stayed up and finnished watching season 4 of HIMYM.
- Did period laundry.. period laundries are when you laundry the stuff you stained and the rest of clothes you still need to be laundried.. which sucks cause i just did laundry 2 days ago.. Did my hair while i was doing that and watching HIMHM in the kitchen. lol
- Ate nothing at home..
- Finally, went to the taylor.. picked up CJ then went to taco bell.
- We were leaving when we got a text saying "Practice is kinda cancelled... blahblahblah" so we just went home.
- But when i went to cj's house today.. i saw Lisa, Tita Lita.. and Andoy and Joshua! they're so cute. i love them.. i've missed them ):
- Groceries with mi mama..
- now i am going to dye my hair.. organize my "important stuff" binder.. then apply to some jobs as i watch Season 5 of How I Met Your Mother..
i'll come back to this later once my whole day is done and tell you how everything went..

071710;;Saturday

- Fullerton w/ Mommabearb & Cir
- Eyeglass appointment @ Puente Mall (im getting contacts and sowing machine with my own money)
- McDonalds cause CJ wanted some ._. so bad 4 u 5 much
- we went to Jackie's debt practice
- Ace's Graduation & Birthday Party thing
- Now im @ Cj's. Jamie, Francis & Laurie picked us up. We just watched Indiana Jones with his auntie and Jj. Jann and Chris just came.

Stressin' Ain't A Blessin'

.. but its always worth it in the end.

everything is so irritating to me today! Partly cause i'm also stressed -_-
- people are laggin' on confirming
: the longer i wait for people the more Party Bus are being reserved by other and i'm afraid we wont have a decent price for a good party bus
: People are bailing or aren't sure if they would go on our limo for many issues
: people aren't communicating well -__-
: i'm disappointed Joey, Val and especially Cunteno isn't going to prom
- My dress.. i MIGHT have found a better one but its expensive and no refunds on my dress. If i really want to buy it i have to find someone my size who would buy it. I like it. its just i might not be able to dance properly.. maybe i'll just lift it and wear stockings under..
- ENGLISH AND FRENCH work
- My health
- There just cant seem to be enough time
- issues.. new things i'm thinking of.. things i'm realizing.. was i blind before? or was i trying to ignore the issues because i'm afraid to bring up the issues cause you wont listen.. you'll just HEAR me ? there IS a difference. BUT bringing up some issues means your dedicated to trying your best to improve and be as great as we can be together.. iono. i think ALOT and think about things more/deeper than others might.. best way i can explain it. Thats another reason why I like underground music/ when people rhym too. Feeds the mind and makes me think.
-Picture appointments.. Im trying to take care of everything now because i don't want to do last minute yknow? -_____- hate that shit. cause everyone is going to be reserving things before some people and we wont have room for our first choice for things and we'll have to pick second best and that usually means were not satisfied aand.. a more expensive price. I don't know why people wait to communicate BETTER last minute but who am i kidding? i'm such a hypocrite about that sometimes but.. i just learned that lesson today..
- who and how the heck is going to do my hair and make up and how am i going to do agatha's.. I hope Fatima can handle us 5.. and quick. if anything i can help her do hair and make up.
- fuck it.. if we cant get a group picture at a studio then i'll ask Fawzi tomorrow.. acctually i will for sure just in case.. thats probably going to be the case anyway! In this case, Fawzi will be one of my lifesavers. I don't know why thats a problem to some people though. If he doesn't have a backdrop, we can find a nice scenery to go to to take pictures.. just like La Sierra Prom! that photo shoot was fun cause it was funny. Steve, Nick and Jlao mostly i think. dorkwods. Miss them!
- I love my friends.. and the people i'm going to meet at prom. I really want to help them as much as I can have a good time and save as much money as they can. on this night. including me.. I already feel bad enough asking my mom for all this money but hey.. i have my needs.. she always makes me feel bad.. i sort of don't blame her though.
Anyways! but yeah.. i even talked to some people to drop the drama and just have fun at least for one night.. and if anything avoid each other! just not to make it weired.. even with Kathleen.. i'm willing to drop it.. everyone is going to try their best to deal with/avoid it for one night. I've been trying to encourage some people to go but I cant force them. It really sucks how some people cant go to prom at all in their lives.. or that they cant go to prom their senior year. i'm disappointed i wont have the opportunity to enjoy it with them. But they can always join us for midnight meal though.. i'll ask!
- Room is a mess. Too busy to clean it this week.. on a more positive note.. exactly one more week til' "Shrek" is going to leave! whoop whoop. and Jill's babies! I'm happy she trusts me with her babies. ^_^

more i was thinkin bout today but i'll end this here cause i'm super tired. showatime. peace out Holmes.

p.s. sorry if its hard to understand.. i just rushed through it.

April, Patrick and puppies birthday!

Glee! i love Glee.. why wasn't i crazy about it before? I don't usually watch TV but it's become one of the shows i cannot miss! They are Glee, American Dad, Family Guy, HIMYM aand.. i think thats all.

Right now i'm trying to find a party bus with J.Belarmino.

Today.. was late.
- Chambers
- Senior Gym thing. it was boring at first but then it got fun.. mostly talked to Agatha and Mervin.
- Med Core was pretty chill. humid
- Psych. fell asleep as the period was prolonged cause doggies were checking cars for bud in the parking lot
- Lunch was cool. Got lunch with Monica and shared my burger with Raffy. I kept thinking I had Treble right after so I took my sweet ass time eating.. Junette ended up takin it to P.E.
- French 2 was alright. Aced the test and sorta practiced the dialogue with Alvaro but then he was being stupid and i got bored so me and Ale interrogated him on who he likes.
- Treble was watevers
- Shared Mervin's ipod with him while we chilled with Keith, Russell and Axel. His ipod is funny hehe i like his music. I needa steal them.
- Detention but since i was early and only one other guy came, Mr. Hodges let me leave after 30 minutes of doing homework in the little room.
- Rushed home to sleep but before I could.. Mya and Nicholas's dad was over. Talked for a bit then he left and i was able to finally have my sleep.
- Woke up to my mom informing me that Jill gave birth at lunch today
- spent alot of time with them today.. didn't even eat dinner yet.. Jill gets mad when my mom, Ben approach her.. especially Jack but she doesn't get mad when I do. haha i feel special.

So i just talked to my Grand-aunt.. shes like one of the 3 only living siblings of my Grandma.. there were 12 of them. Its really sad.. it makes me miss my family more and its even more sad how she sounds even older.. Last time i saw her she was still up and about and roaming the malls but now.. it seems as though she just stays home. She sounds so tired and she talks ever so slowly and its hard for her to hear.

Anyway, so it seems that I see my friends from church in a different light than I do with the people i see almost everyday. However I am trying to apply that to them and it seems to be going well so far! I love it. Keeping this up for sure. Also, more rest helps see things in a better light.
I really need to learn how to behave properly. I thought i already did but there are times when I need a break and i say the stupidest shit. Thats when i say stupid things that I don't even mean. Thats when i say things without thinking.. I need to use my head more often.

Personally..
I prefer calls over texts
Web Cam over calls
but above all, I prefer talking in person above all things.
I hate talking things out when you're not in person.. its no the same

I hate 1 or two worded responses when you're tryna keep up a conversation
that other person isn't giving any effort in the convo.
so you end up feeling all lame and boring cus you keep gettin' ignored.
Its also not polite.

Youth Rally 2010

Was super fun! Pre-Rally was equally just as fun. Met LOTS of new people. I forgot half of those names though ): too much names and new faces to take in all at once.
PRE-RALLY
- Ice Breaker when I arrived. First person I met was Paul who gladly helped me remember how it works. Met Karima?? and went up with her. Got intoduced to Randy who goes to Damien High with Paul.
- met more people
- Did a Cheer with the SEN10RS
- Ate with Daniel.. (not Daniel Lozada, Rommel's friend)
- placed in a group where i met: Josh Lim, Monica Rodd, Stella, Karina/Katrina, Erica, Paulina and i forgot who the other girl was i'm sorry >_< Josh was our PIMP since he was the only guy haha
- made poster with the groups idea
- Me and Monica were flooding with ideas for the cheer so we ended up changing it like a few of times which made Josh confused. haha we made some dope ass cheers!
- Halo Halo people came from their performance @ Walnut High
- watched Witness perform our skitn for the Rally. I want to be part of Witness. I'll ask more about it.

YOUTH RALLY!
- had to take the bus to St. Liz since i had no ride. Ended up being late which caused me not to get my pass.. they couldn't find mine. Busted a mission to find one. Ended up getting Nikki's since she didn't come ): My name was Nikki for a day
- Joe gave his seat for me. First sat to some guy who was boring cause he didn't cheer or anything. he was pretty shy. He was blocking me from sitting next to Stella and Daniel Lozada ):
- Raffy saved me a seat before i even got there so i moved to sit next to him, Ron, April and Joanne.
- was acctually next to people who were down to do that hiper cheer thang with me hoooray!
- Joe Melendez ( Christian Rapper) performed for us) what was weired was that he rapped the Rosary O_o but we all just went along with it anyway lol
- LUNCH: ate with the people i sat next to. met people from other churches&schools. Gave away 'SLYM LOVES YOU' bracelets to new friends.
- moshpit of doom! Giant Group hug of doom
- danced to songs that JJ Aquino was playing
- Commercials & Videos of people dancing
- SLYM's Witness crew perform our skit!
- Fr. Ricky Viveros.. HES FUNNY. i love him. he's not your average priest. alot of the priest stories i hear are kinda like his. trouble maker, never went to church, party hard, etc. then they become a priest all of a sudden. interesting
- the Exposition of the BS. Knelt & Sat but me and Raffy fell asleep a couple of times to be honest haha
- Break then workshop.
: played a different version of Mafia
- Mass. Saw the Aquino fam! Said hi to Mr. Aquino and the kids. Actually sang the songs with everybody. it was acctually a pretty fun mass :o incrediball
- St. Paul won the Spirit award! whoop whoop! Proud of them
- pictures! pictures! exchanging numbers with people. sorting rides for Applebees
APPLEBEES
- Rode with Daniel as his mom, Josh and his neice took us there. We caught up on the way. reminisced.
: 2008 years ago youth rally, I sat next to Dlow and we cried.
: 2008 AE Retreat. I told myself i wouldn't cry when I saw Dlow but tears just came pouring out when we did.. tears of happiness!
- waited outside for a while. Talked with people. Abraham,our energizer bunny got high lmao
- Party room couldn't even contain us so we dispersed into the rest of the restaurant.. Half if not most of us occupied Applebees
- Saw Virginia and Jason! and apparently Josh was there too.
- We were all so full we just couldn't wait to pass out on our beds
- goodbyes Sadly( post up my videos later )

continue this later also as i told my Penguin I would sleep already. PEACE HOMES

- Fairfax Village
- The Grove
- Americana

Prom

I'd really love to go if money wasn't an issue. I've always wanted to buy my dream prom dress from LA. I guess i can always buy one from LA on the next formal event i am invited to. (: I'd be spending time with CirJeffrey either way so i'm sure i'd be just as great.
Last year's prom was fun. So was La Sierra.. I loved meeting all those strangers. they were so nice and they became my friends for one night .

i cant concentrate. i cant stop crying. i fucked up :x

March 8th, 2010;; Monday;; Happy Birthday

Late Start
- Ditched 1st and 2nd
_ didn't do ballad
_ finished cake and got ready to attempt to look good for Cir on his birthday
- 3rd was chill. Creeper stare.
- 4th Mean Girls!
- 5th: pointless. we basically only had enough time to do an audio sponge.
- Lunch with Ariel!
- 6th: we alright i suppose.
- went home to pick up Cj's cake. Deep talk with Michael! missed that.
- Jack in the Box with Cj, Jackie, Abby. Mervin and his dad was there.
Cj's house
- Hung out w/ Anne and Katrina while Abby, Jackie and Cj chilled in the living room.
_ everybody says there annoying, maybe sometimes they can be. People need to seriously stop hating & talking crap about other for no legitimate reason. that ticks me off.
- Momma picked me and Cj up so i could treat Cj on his first time @ Applebees! Our date was chill. We don't usually go on dates so it was exciting.
- They started assembling their new T.V. down in the living room.
- MW2 and laptop @ Cj's room until everybody (Lisa, Jann, Francis, Jamie, etc.) slowly showed up to his house. Cj blew his cake
- Shooters for free coins!
- 2 rounds of Basketball. t'was a workout.


I'm sorry that your birthday ended kind of bad. Like you said, your going to get over it eventually.

I seriously need to sleep a lot more but I don't have the time and when i do.. i can't. I'm assuming its cause i fear that if I sleep, i'd always be missing out on something; something else I could have done while i was sleeping that i probably wont have time to do later when i wake. Lack of sleep is affecting my daily performance. its throwing it off track.. also my upcoming period.. i can feel it tomming since i'm recently so emotional and so vulnerable to tears.

- why the fuck do i think about these things all late and not on the spot! fuck -_- now its too late. Also, my memory is decaying slowly.. Back pains getting worse.. stomach pains.. easily exhausted.. WHY. fuck where is my doctor at? damn Sacramento. Arnold S. is a shitty governor. he belongs in movies not in the office.. dumbass. I know people don't give a fuck unless they are affected by unfair changes. I ask you, why? that shouldn't be the case. Although i'm graduating, i still care that grades 1 - 12 wont have extra curricular activities next year. thats just stupid. Also, the fact that they are cutting people's medical insurance to "save money" causing people to pay $1,050 for each visit to the doctor.
Our principal is stupid also. when we get free money, she spends it on things unrelated to school such as hotdog fiesta wtf? -_- Employees with superior positions are abusing their authority and treating individuals with inferior positions so unjust. what is going on with the world? Making idiotic decisions left and right. Decisions that should actually be common sense.

Day 52;; 022010:Saturday

- Rancho w/ John, Celine, Agatha & Ace!
_ i love car rides with Agatha mwahaha. its so hilarious
_ shot some scenes. Ace kept making me laugh whenever we were suppose to be serio
_ Ice Cream Truck. Bought Galo ice cream
_ Ong-Bak : hes churayzee he does all his crazy moves by himself without strings. i love it.
_ Park to shoot fighting scenes: made up a sneaky sneaky plan while talking to Agatha mwahaha
_ Galo's while John, Celine and Galo pick up Galo's car from the Store.
_ me and Jackie play with Baby Jackie! shes so cute. she was dancing with Elmo and showing me her toys.
- finnishes Galo's Vegi Lasagna. i feel bad. We ate all of it up and i think it was for the family to eat. :x It was bomb though. at first i thought it wouldnt taste good so i didnt get excited but then i ate some off of Jackie's plate and it tickled my tastebuds.
West Covina
_ It was a saturday night and we weren't doing shit. So we decided to go to John's house for a while to eat and chill.
_ John took everybody home.

Swear in French
“Oh, merde!”, Oh, shit!
“Va te faire foutre, trouduc” , Fuck off, asshole
“fils de salope,” “Son of a Bitch”
(C’est des) conneries! (This is) bullshit!
Batard, Bastard
Casse toi!, Piss Off
Connard, Idiot
Debile, Idiot
Encul , Faggot!
Enculer une mouche, go fuck a fly
Fils de pute, Son of a bitch
Fils de salope, Son of bitch
Fous le camp, fuck off
J’ai envie de chier ,I want to shit
J’en ai rien ? foutre ,I don’t give a fuck
Je t’emmerde! ,Screw you!
Je vais te baiser., I’ll fuck you
L?chez mon clito ,Lick my clit
L?chez mon cul, Lick my ass
La putain de ta race, Whore of your race
Mais qui diable ?tes-vous?, Who the hell are you
Merdi! ,Shit
N’exag?re pas!, Don’t push it!
Nique ta m?re, Fuck your mother
Petite pute, Little whore
Quel tar?!, What a nerd!
Sacre bleu, oh my god!
Salaud!, Bastard!
Salope, Bitch
Ta gueule , Shut up
Ta mere la pute, Your mum’s a whore
Ta mere suce des bites en enfer, Your mother sucks cock in hell
Truie, Slut
Tu d?connes ou quoi?, Are you crazy
Tu d?lires!?, Are you crazy!
Tu et un ane , Your a jackass.
Va t’empaler encule, Go fuck yourself
Viens m’enculer , Fuck me
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?, Will you go to bed with me?
Vous ?tes (des) malades!, You people are sick!
Vous les vousco chez avec moi?, Will you sleep with me?
baise toi , fuck you
jouir, cum
le con, la conasse, la chatte cunt
manges la merde, eat shit
maudite vache, asshole/bitch/etc
mon dieu, My God!
putain, pute, whore
pute, bitch
tu m`emmerdes!, Fuck yourself!
va te faire foutre, go fuck yourself
vas faire foutre a la vache , go fuck a cow.
vas te faire enculi, fuck you
Ãa craint!, It sucks!

Day 38;; 020710: Sunday

- Woke up when Kuya Paul, Ahshohn, Wanya & Jarell arrived. Had no idea what they were doing here. apparently there was a surprise party planned for my mom.. but on a Sunday AND Superbowl? OK. I doubt Ben knows how to plan a Superbowl party let alone a regular partyso that was bound to fail. All he does is overload on food and people just sit around and gossip. How boring!
- Worked swapmeet. My first job was to watch over the girl's bathroom and check every hour. -___- Boring too so i went to go help Aaron with parking in the basketball courts. that was fun.

- Woke up when Kuya Paul, Ahshohn, Wanya & Jarell arrived. Had no idea what they were doing here. apparently there was a surprise party planned for my mom.. but on a Sunday AND Superbowl? OK. I doubt Ben knows how to plan a Superbowl party let alone a regular partyso that was bound to fail. All he does is overload on food and people just sit around and gossip. How boring!
- Worked swapmeet. My first job was to watch over the girl's bathroom and check every hour. -___- Boring too so i went to go help Aaron with parking in the basketball courts. that was fun.
- No church for us today
- Party was chill
: Francis came! i havent seen that little girl in so long! too bad i missed Ateh Lea. she left before i came. Little Jesse is just the cutest!
: napped cause i was exhausted
: Lisa couldnt come because she had no ride ):

Day 37;; 020610: Saturday

Happy birthday to my momma & Happy 10 months to my babyboo
- Momma let me hang out with Cj today since she was already going out. She said we'd just hang out Sunday
- Had a lovely hang out with my baby
: casa, McDonalds, Cj's room for some F.R.I.E.N.D.S., MW2, and funny stuff.
- Brian's birthday Party
: Beer Pong & Soda Pong
: played some funny game.
: Dave Chappel Show in Lauren's room. Hilarious show but honestly i was falling asleep
: Met Frank! hes so fat and cute
- Slept and got dropped off by Grace around 3 or 4.

I'd say today was a good day. All i've really used my debit card for is fast food. Quick summary cause im bout to KTFO. peace.

Day 36;; 020510: Friday

CAREER DAY and the unexpected rain!
- First we discussed our group's basic ideas. our group Jackie, Celine, John Belermino, Ace, Marcos, Daniel and Galo.
- career day was chill but i liked it.
: skipped 2nd to 5th period :D
: free food
: recruiting people for choir next year.
- Leslie and Sam were here! :D
- 6th went really well!
: I get so frustrated with this choir but when everybody gives alot of effort and when we all have a good amount of focus, i just never want it to end. I must admit i think i'm more comfortable singing at this hour of the day.
- Sat around with Yugioh nerds at the benches waiting for people to see w'sup
- postponed trip to Ikea.
- Went home
: watched friends and fell asleep which caused me to miss poetry and Walnut basketball game. Damn. Nogales AND Lakers lost. wthell?

Only regret: Not going to Poetry and Walnut Basketball Game with people.

Things off the top of my head:
..Please give effort to hang out by ourselves at least for an hour or two tomorrow >_< there are some things we haven't talked about in a while cause we always surrounded by people and they don't need to be getting all up in our business.
..Needa doctor and a job dammit
..I feel bad for my mom. its her birthday tomorrow and shes sick. I hope i wake up early enough to make her breakfast. Goodness knows how early that woman wakes up.
.. Happy 10 months tomorrow :)
..I need mo'food
..Your a big fucking perve. I cant move freely/comfortably in this house. -_- I wish i could sing, walk around wherever as i please, work out and what not but noo.. your a big retard and i fucking hate you for putting me through shit. although it did make me stronger.
..i miss painting! i need more paint, paintbrushes, making things and a sewing machine. might ask for one for my birthday.
..I LOVE RANDOM DAYS.
..im bored so im just ranting
.. I miss being outgoing. what the fuck happend? why am i so hesitant around friends and not when im around strangers? that shouldnt be the case. why am i only outgoing when im out of town? i should be like that wherevers i go. cheers to new beginnings!


p.s. this is dope

Day 35;; 020410: Thursday

- picked groups for Inferno Project. i acctually like my group this time and i cant wait to do the project.
- second through 8th was a drag
- Lunch was chill. Orange Chicken!
- 6th went great! but i no likey all you damn hoppo.s in there
- Cj's house with Jackie, Abby, Benji and Centeno!
: Ate, Bathroom, took a while to get Jackie's car started.
: I missed Pichu and Bella
- back to school!
: Art Room
: Painted, sang, checked out art.
: why haven't i joined art all this time? ):
- Target w/ Cj, Abby, Benji and Centeno to pass time
: Saw Jenwin&Sammy and Don&Princess!
- Jack in the box.
: used my HK debit for the first time for some those damn good curly fries.
: Centeno left
- Got dropped off @ Benji's
: Instead of watching a movie, we decided to chill and put our feet in the Jacuzzi
: Cj and Benji decided to just go in.. i couldnt ): it was very chill and relaxing though.
: Knocked out right after my relaxing shower. couldnt help it!

YAY for random days!
Oh im growing my eyebrows so i can reshape them. k bye

day 32;; 020210: Moody

- school
- Nogales Burger
- Street Fighter but got kicked out. signing the petition tomorrow tho! :D
- Pizza Supreme
- walked home by CJ
- Friends
- Homework
- and now im webcamming with my cute boyfriend<3

I really hate how im so freaking moody today. Had a series of sharp back pains and stomach pains. One minute im happy, the next im scared, or axious, or sad and wanting to cry so bad. wtf. so fast how my mood changes today. also, im very easily irritated and Short tempered today. Im gonna cry. FML. I hate delayed periods. still doesnt really have to do with all the things that are in my head though.
I really needa get some new friends. I miss the friends i have/had. what the fuck happend? the friends i really like all live far away or i just faded away from no matter how hard i try to k.i.t. fuck more on that later. im on the phone with my boyfriend. waht am i doing blogging?

Day 30;; 013010: Photoshoot & Mom's bday party

- Ahshohn and Wanya woke me up around 11am
- showered, got ready
- BIG lunch w/ Chanta;, Kuya Tony, Kuya Paul, and Mariel @ the table w/ our hands(filipino style)
- WHO THE FUCK BUYS A FUCKING ROOSTER TO BE A PET!? seriously. that thing is gonna keep me up all night. -________________- you are a fucking show off and a hangar. (haha thanks Tanisha for the term)
_ "Ateh Jessica! we got a live cock!! we gonna go have cock fights. be right back"
- Kathleen picked me and Fawzi up to go photoshooting @ Three Oaks (LOVELY HOUSES! i want one of them houses. Kuya, you did a wonderful job) then taco bell
- Chilled w/ LISA! Chantal, Ahshohn, Wanya, Tanisha, Dess and Kuya Lenz's friends' kids. Margaritas, Youtube, Friends, and The Hangover(:
- I swear Lisa is like my long lost sister. We always have these great talks that go on FOREVER. We also like & dislike the same things. She always gets a new phone cause she always looses it. what a slore. love her though <3
- cleaned up
- R.I.P. Ninang Ester's daddy ): we'll miss you

Day 29;; 3rd day of being sick

- slept in
- another day of FRIENDS and SP
- in bed all day.. reaaally boring.
- finnished my Fruit loops last night ):
- gave Jill a bath
- Party @ my house tomorrow .. i guess no more snowboarding weekend ): sigh
- drama this week.. mm... watevers
thats all for now.

I'm trying to recover as fast as I can before finals week. I ALWAYS sing when im sick for choir finals. I feel extra lazy&bored being sick & home all this time. i wanna do something -__-
So, i read your old xanga from time to time. here i am at 1 in the morning. there are a million things i want to tell you but i dont know how to make you understand these things. nothing bad though. i'm just happy i have you. You may irritate me at times and i'm sure i do the same for you but i just inlove you. I mean what couple doesn't irritate each other every now and then? im going to tell you the rest that im going to say since its alot and some stalker might read things that they shouldnt even read. OH and let me say, i now know how addicting FRIENDS is and why you stayed you stayed away for a whole 24 hours watching it. BTDUBIWANTTOGOTOAMERICANA

Day 26;; Day 2 of being sick

- Skipped school
- slept ALOT
- FRIENDS & SP
- reorganized closets.. yes i was that bored
- Webcam with mah penguin

I should have went to school today, i wasnt that bad this morning.. but NOW i am. Oh well. I just needa rest. Just hate being really bored and alone for the whole day.

i am very happy that my robo.to finally works and records stuff! :D

Day 27;;

- Didn't go to first cause i thought that i wasnt going to school
- Didn't test in choir which is why i wanted to go to school
- 3rd period.. mm i really hate that class. Justine told me Tiffany is also bored.. i wish me and Tiff would just sit next to each other in that class
- 4th: notes on Cj's notebook and just watched a disturbing video
- 5th: I like where i sit now :D
- Lunch was cool. slept on Cj's arm towards the end
- 6th: was also cool! i love it there now.. I usually talk to Jasmine, Suzanne, Justine and whoever jumps in the convo.
- FINNISHED NIGHT SCHOOL! hooraa for moi!
- Justin Jimenez, Cj (Cristine J.), and Robin Shin visited Nogales!
me and Robin caught up for a while on our old friends. me and Cristine are childhood friends ;)
- Cj walked me home so i could sleep. thank you for waiting for me to finnish Night school even though it took longer than expected :)
- took a nap

FUKC

I havent been this moody in such a long time. im REALLY sad. Fuh. alot of thinking on my part today. call me? converse with me about things. I really hate it when people just let me do the talking.. fuck i want a damn conversation TALK TO ME too y'know? give me your opinion and express your day to day thoughts and what not.. imy but i cant talk to you ):

Day 12: 011210;; Tuesday

job hunting with my bebeh today @ Puente

t'was fun. Katrina and her momma took us to Puente.
now i got a buttload of homework.. rare occation. peace out diglets

Day #8: 010810;; Friday

Disney! day dos!

Women thrive on emotions, men refuse to acknowledge. So when we arguin, nobody win. Words get in the way time and again. Sticks and stones break your bones, words break your heart.
- Talib Kweli, Love Language

blogsecret: 14148.) I'm really annoyed with the fact that I listen to people complain, but when I need to? No one listens. Some friends I have.

i need new friends
there are plenty of reasons some bad, mostly good i guess

Day #6: 010610;; Wednesday

Day #5: 010510;; Tuesday

Day #4: 010410;; Monday

First day of school of 2010




It was good! felt nice for a change

Day #3, 2010;; Sunday

Disneyland! w/ Lisa, Tita Jane, Katrina, Boyfriend, Jerel, & Jamie!

SUMMARY of the 2nd day of 2010.
- Played with Doggies and gave them a bath while i waited to get picked up
- shortest trip to Disneyland..
- Annual Passes! yay! but cant go there on weekends.. but i have a sneakysneaky plan ;D
- Parade

- Space Mountain
- Astro Blasters!

- Shared some Dole Pineapple Ice Cream w/ Katrina that turned out to be pretty good
DISNEYCALI!
- Cj's first time there YAAAAY! haha
- Tower of Terror ..
_ debated with Katrina the whole time whether we should go on or not ..but there was no point to that cause it was short and fun! we thought it would be longer.
_ wanted to ride the water ride.. oh well next time
_ Watched Alladin Play! <3 i loved the Gennie.. really funny..
_ Soarin' over California!

BACK TO DISNEYLAND
- Ride Holiday Decor w/ Babyboy <3
- Big Thunder is one of the best rides at D.land. i loved it haha
- Waited for a while for the "Believe Holiday Fireworks show" that got cancelled due to "Weather Conditions" -_- stupid the weather was perfect! no strong winds! watever
- Pirates of the Carribean ._. really boring ..
- Log ride x2 ! :D w/ Baby, Katrina & Jj
Line was too long for Indiana Jones so we decided to go take pictures by the California sign
- Got stuck w/ Cj waiting for another tram..
Everybody was asleep on the ride home .. at least i think everybody was because i was. lol

It was a very fun day and more to come! yay! I love it. I'm very tired and sleepy.. my legs are dead. time go catch up on sleep .. Goodnight! (:
Post pictures on Facebook and maybe myspace..

Day #2, 2010;; Saturday

Day #1, 2010;; Friday

New years @ Kuya Paul's house every year is always fun (;

Sherlock Holmes

- Went to church w/ momma & dropped off @ Cj's
- Went to Francis & Jan's house for pizza and what not w/ Cj, Jamie, Jerel, & Grace
- Watched Sherlock Homes <33
- Grace's house for Monopoly, movie and Beer Pong til 5am ! <3
- Nocturnal Ninjas with boyfriend <33
- went back to Baldomero house around 730am
- Cosco and Target.. BEST BUY w/ the clone mask! <33
- assembled mask and attempted @ Star Wars Marathon til Cj got sleepy and my mom called .__.

IT was a very awesome 24 hours til the last few hours. add more details after my movie hehe.

Don’t get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when they start to not give a fuck.

i'm a pain in the ass and i'll annoy the hell out of you, but you won't find a girl who cares about you more than i do.



real talk

Wiide awake @ 4am

Just got back from a random kidnap by Jean - Luc, Ariel, NgeOo or should i say .. Mewtwo! and Marlon! Then Claude came after a while.

W e chilled infront of my house while the girls snuck in to pee and eat. Debated where we all wanted to go for the early morning hours. Marlon was our driver for the night. Jean-Luc’s car was our car. Claude took his own car by himself; i felt bad for him.

Claude led the way to The View in Walnut. I think its better than Top of the World. Much easier to get to and much cleaner! Had a nice talk with Marlon til Jean-Luc said it was time go depart. He said he was gonna make me a big house on the spot of The View someday when he’s an engineer (:

Claude also lead the way to Gingrich park but he left right after.. we really needed him. didnt know how scary it was til we went halfway up the dark trail. Then we chickened out and ran back.. had to ninja our way out of sight of passer byers.

Headed to the Haunted house full of cats! scary how everything was on the way from the lovely view. I wasn’t convinced til that white cat started going after Jean-Luc.. while the rest of us watched from inside the car of course haha. Ariel got in trouble so we had to drop her and Mewtwo off then Marlon and Jean-Luc dropped me off. Though i was very tired from my day and shower, i had lots of fun! I missed hanging out with them! and Marlon is cool too! We were missing Cj and Rina from our little group though. Its okay! we’ll take them when we can all drive because i dont think they can come out this early in the morning cause of parentals.. you know how that goes.. :/ its okay! less than a year left! woo.. so anxious ^_^

Anyways, good.. Morning. hopefully i wake up on time at 12 noon to meet up with my project. Made some plans with Mewtwo to play ball and teach Ariel but i highly doubt we are capable of waking that early in the morning especially after this morning. Good morning tumblrers (:

http://www.formspring.me/jeskalovee

LOL

Secret Santa Gift Exchange

I started my day with a lazy morning as my mom was busy finally trying to find me a dentist near here cause I haven't gone to the dentist due to the inconvenience of distance and other reasons.. I'm gonna miss having my aunt as my dentist and visiting Alhambra once in a while. The dentist took forever -_- i was getting so impatient but the wait was worth it. I got my molar tooth taken out! Yes i still have baby teeth :P Ben had another tantrum cause my mom could not leave the dentist to pick him up from the hospital -_- watever inconsiderate bitch.

Went to Khols to purchase Sebastian's present. Got dropped off @ Cj's. Chris drove us to Abby's along with Katrina. Apples to Apples. Said grace and ate.. Gift exchange! I love my present Nate! thank you oh so mucho grandes<3 Pictures pictures <3

Hitched a ride with Michelle and Alek back to Cj's and i pretty much spent the night there.. whenever i'm there.. i get awfully sleepy all of a sudden ..i wonder why O_o Cj's theory: I'm more comfortable there than home .

missing enthusiasm and adventure.. i need it all back

i miss all the unexpected plans and how fun it all turns out.
I need to get out of this town .. this area. At least for the weekend or something. I kinda hate this area and my school a bit but its better than the super ghetto area. People are surprised when i say i wanna go to FJC if i go to a 2 year first. Yea Mt. Sac is just right there but its just like high school all over again.. plus its so crowded you dont usually get the classes you want. eh. we'll see.

today.. BORING day at school.
Went on a date to McDonalds with Babyboy.. Grease concert was pretty fun. Gave Rico the leftovers of my Angus 3rd Pounder. I saw.. SAM! she gave me .. news -_- saw.. Chris and Joel who also watched! :D I WISH I WENT TO WALNUT HIGH SCHOOL. i'd have soo much more fun there. oh well .. short blog.. perhaps i'll continue after another episode of SP.... im soo sleepy but... INTERNET IS ADDICTING! i missed this! BYE! :d

HAPPY 6 MONTHS MY PENGUIN

School was boring as usual.
woke up late and took a "quick" shower.. 5 min. late to 1st but i could care less today. woke up too late to make cupcakes which is why i'm going to make some tonight
1st: was ok. the books were kinda entertaining i must admit.
2nd: waited outside as 2 of the guys tried out for beauty school drop out i believe. Ate halloween oreos w/ milk w/ my babyboy(:
3rd: was aight. took the Red Cross Card test thing
4th: was funny as usual. talked to Tino about halloween plans. took notes and saw a video.
5th: texted fawzi. 2 guys that annoy me now -_- Karla and her friend are cool sauce though (: we keep track of our monthsaries.. 4:alvaro and his gf, 8th for me and cj, 18th for Karla and her man! yay! were cool haha. they remembered so they greeted me. formed a circle and passed the ball around to a french rap song ahaha. Oh! and were creating dialogues w/ a partner. Kinda funny dialogue.
8th: people to the right side of the class engaged in some straaaaangeee convo. about people and their virginities and how some girls lost it .. STRANGE GIRLS, AAANYWAYS. .
LUNCH: sorry baby got bored.. i helped Ariel finnish her hieroglyphics and talked as i colored and traced it.
6th: was acctually good-ish.. had great conversations with ading Justine baby!

Met up with my babyboy after school .. craved some chilicheesefries and he wanted thai ice tea so we decided to go satisfy our hunger before the park.
after an hour or so of food coma, we walked to the park and chilled on our spot again(: i love days like these.. when we just chill at the park or somewhere. truly missed it! i gave him my surprise. i love passing time with my boyfriend. its fun being bored together<3 we saw a husky! and a bunch of cute doggies.

Lisa the bitch called and said she was at my school for a volleyball game.. but i wasnt even there! D: i was kinda saaad she left school early so i couldn't see her..oh whellz.

we stayed til around 6:30 .. it was freezing! i should have worn shoes and a thicker jacket.. silly me. Momma dear picked us him with the dogs! when we got home we walked them .. IRAN w/ Jill.

I HAVE LOTS TO DO TONIGHT! PEACE. expect me to be on this more often again.

i LOVElove love THIS WEATHER<3 hmm.. the white coat or the leather jacket? that is the question. :o

I..

will stop being lazy and acctually go with my plan months ago to still write my everyday happenings here.

tumble!

i got a tumblr guys! :D
im se excited! i love it cause its twitter AND blog all wrapped up in one with extra stuff.. AND i can blog on the go! perfect for someone who cant reach the computer as often as they'd like. theres so much i want to put on there idk were to start!
i'll still use blogspot.. i will prove you wrong O:<
jeskalovee.tumblr.com


i Spent the afternoon and evening with my boyfriend :D
We ended up postponing watching a movie for tomorrow..
We spent the afternoon at mi casa: tried to learn how to reject, talked&took a nap<3, THOUGHT about cooking but decided to go to McDonalds to be little pedophiles.
Interesting/unique people always come into McDonalds.

I'm a little happy that we wont be going to a party tomorrow night.. But i cant wait to party with Daniel for the first time! :D

Jlao texted & called me out of nowhere.. I've missed you! I made him get a tumblr :P
i can easily quote alot of shit from our conversations. just like.. :
"Jealousy never gets anyone anywhere"-JLao
"Ay! im so chismoSA......!"-Jlao
"You know when you tell your best friend/friend something that was really meant for someone else but you can never tell that someone else because your hesitant/shy/scared of what might happend? You SHOULD tell that someone else because that is when you guys start communicating.. that is when you guys will know where you actually stand. And if it goes bad, things go wrong/bad or get harder to make relationships and people stronger" -- Me

Everytime I close my Eyes

i dont feel like blogging in paragraphs cause im rushing. so tired lately! :|

07/06/09;; MONDAY ---- HAPPY 3 MONTHS.
I was late to school but surprisingly, Mr. Bergslien didn't give me the whole speech he usually gives people. He was actually cheerful O_o
Helped the Nacho Stand and "sketch the wall"
Texted boyfriend til' he left the harbor. i hope you had fun & took pictures(:
Was really early to Mt. Sac So i sat. it was burning hot! ):
"Malibewww" - Mario. we lost Amy today.
Chill outside my house with Ateh Kris & Fraz.
Mervin owes me Poker Lessons
Whisper voice: "cmon, get in. i wont hurt you anymore. i have food"
serious moment: "you see.. we have this quote we live by .." (3 minutes pass) ".. shit. what was that quite again?"


07/07/09;; Tuesday
I'm in a MUCH BETTER mood today; despite the fact that im super tired & sleepy ):
Stayed to Chill & watch people sketch wall.
Me & Ryan went to go buy the girls Boba and to smell Mexico
Math was even longer and more boring. i hate those long problems! they take forever.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


i hvent blogged the rest of the week but all i have to say is that i have definitely matured alot this week. Im so proud of myself. So i made some resolutions.
i'll make a separate blog about all that when i get home tonight.

Millionaire

Today was super fun!
Had my very first trip to Brea Mall<3
i LOVE IT THERE! i have a good reason to save my moneys now.
Frazier may have gotten a ticket.
Ateh Kristine looked hot.
Saw Regina & Rina
Made Pesoy look gay. THANK YOU VERY MUCH BTW! (:
Bought a couple dresses but i must go back to buy some more stuff.
Had to leave cause Frazier was hungry and I took forever in Forever 21 hehehe
Saw Step-Sister&cousins-in-Law

i honestly want to get to know your gf.
she seems just like me from what you've been telling me.
IM TIRED! goodnights<3

To Defy the rules of gravity

Ngyehehehe
My stomach is a beast up in this motha
Sardines
Friends in the background (;
- "lets do it tomorrow for Valentines day"
h.w.s O:< yea i DO mind mothasucka
momma's fren's casa. met some people!
where my dugs @?
thats what she saids
Til' there was you
etc. etc. too tired to type the rest

i love you baby very much
.. and ill miss you even more than i've missed you lately



--------------------------------------------------------
July 5th Morning:

There are just some things you cant avoid no matter how hard you try.. so I'll just stop avoiding cause thats just wasting my time. lets have fun and Enjoy life.
LETTING MY FUCKING GUARD DOWN. aalllmost all the way. (:<

: BREA! with my shopping buds (:
: perhaps visit their fam. i miss them so much.
: Church with my Babyboy
blog about my day tonight (: peace


Paradiso Girls - Patron Tequila.
search that song homes. thats my song! :D

Cross fingers

i miss yous more than anything.
ive been missing everybody and everything
i thought i was trying hard enough to go back to my old self
but the more i try the more i fail.
i guess i need to put extra effort this time.
everytime im reminded of yous i feel refreshed and inspired
motivated to go back to the place were i started and visit.
my pride and jealously has been getting in the way of everything
ive been surprised about the things ive been learning about myself lately
but most of all disappointed. im changing that.
ANYWAY
ive been itching to play basketball and soccer!

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

Due to my recent irregular outings at night AND hanging out with NgeOo,I've caught a high fever of about 105 from Sunday til Wednesday. i now have an inhaler, and a few pills i need to take temporarily for treatment.



I feel much better today. thanks to the massage, medication, the talks, and the sleep this week!
however i've realized that i've been pondering about our thang lately.
Also, a few people have been pissing me off alot lately. All this has caused me to be very irritable. But im sure i figured out myself today(: i love friends (the show and the people) :D

Dark Weather

Dam you NgeOo.. got me and King sick.

THIS WEEKEND: went to a party in Walnut.. then to West Covina and came back,
when people started dancing at around 12.. they shut it down. wtf is that.
anyway .. went home from "watching a movie with NgeOos cousins" hehe
got picked up then went to the top of the world. i had to sneak out my window
Then other people came. i missed them. we just chilled outside my house. Reminisce about last summer. Told each other stories. Dongsang :D

sweet memories

1 GIANT POSTER for NgeOo
5 shirts for 5 seniors
4 letters > 2 orders of long ones

writing letters is so depressing..
it hasnt really hit me yet but i guess its doing it very slowly

update after!

---------

i want to phone w/ someone right now..
acctually thats how ive been feeling lately.

Hurt So Good

MojoMojo
Powerfuck girls
feet burn
Jerking & Shuffling
Stole NgeOo's first kiss
Hot Korean Noodles
Blogtv
etc.

Today was really fun. Spent afterschool @ Choir Taco stand after Cj's presentation. GOOD JOB! :D Then migrated to the benches and NgeOo's house w/ Ariel, Cj, David Russell & David til about 10:30! I really wanna learn the ukulele rather than the guitar. i can acctually wrap my fingers around the neck and reach the strings MUCH easier. Then evenually we got to tickling each other and i kicked SOMEONE's crotch.. twice! D: i feel really bad but it was on accident .. i have really bad reflexes. thanks ngeoo.
welp .. im very sleepy and i need to take as much sleep as i can get cause i hardly get any. GOODNIGHT.

Model Productions

my Blogtv account is: jeskaa23


Today was FUN.
We were late to our Fashion / Talent show but thas okay! rescheduled @ 5.
i kind of believe this ish want real. waste of my money. Oh well it was still fun.
McDonald's rap & Chasing Pavements ACapella. I think we were the oldest people in our group LOL. there were these cute little kids! One little boy bucked sicklike. One 2 year old ran up and down the catwalk. 1 little girl we made friends with did the Hanna Montana dance thing. and many other cute kids. Then we chilled @ my place.. suppose to make shirts but got distracted by blogtv and sweets! oh the shugarush. anyway. im tired. GOOOODNIGHT.

You the Fuck'n Best

I am very pleased with my day today.
I guess i work best when i loose some sleep O_o maybe ..
Im really Sorry I couldnt go to Bishop Amat Concert. Sorry King & Eunice!
Orientation was okay though. It was cold! but i loved the wind.
Tomorrow i need to purchase my $10 I.D.
IMTOFW

Web Cams

i cant sleep
headache. tummy. blah
i think i think too much
Goodmorning

Today i will:
_go to school
_work out & jog
_Anatomy PPP
_design shirt
_Orientation @ 6:30
_Project with NgeOo
_SLEEP EARLY D:<

Waking Up

it feels like my life is falling apart
its time to seriously do something about it.
no more procrastinations or doubting on anything.
Goodmorning reality.
we meet again


im going to church today to pray
then off to the library!

------------------------------------

The library made me feel alot beter
i was looking at some interior designing books..
and i really like the idea of Korean theme indoors (:
Very clean, neat and spacious yet unique.

Fairy Tales

everything seems very dull lately
this morning was full of shit
afternoon was full of fun thanks to tita, NgeOo&Ariel never fail to cheer me up(:
mm.. i really miss last summer ALOT to be honest.

i really need alot of motivation. Im loosing focus..
i've been getting sidetrack too much
ive been reminiscing more than usually lately ..
believe it or not.. i really will miss you very much more than i miss you now :/

Today, ive started rethinking everything again

Long Distance

dont you wish.. you could just simply delete certain people from your mind or at least put them in a recycling bin in your brain? So you wouldnt have to think about them and/or regret things.. and waste time reminiscing so you could lead a happy and productive day. Deleting pictures from your computer wont really help because their pictures & memories cannot be deleted from your brain. The only thing you can really do is to smile because you're thankful they were in your life at least for that short amount of time. Thats what you SHOULD do; but its hard not to be sad.

Electrolytes

This weekend .. even on saturday .. i have not stepped out of the freaking house! 3 days ..
I've slept and spent most of my 3 day weekend on my bed sleeping&resting. Had some time to think and talk to my cousins in the Philippines. I wouldnt say 3 days at home wasnt really a bad thing. It was a really good break from everything. I got to do some things i havent really had time to lately. I made up for lots of sleep that i lost and i feel refreshed.



my moms making me eat pickles -___-
does it really bring your appetite back?

Happy Birthday To Me

Today was my 17th birthday.
- mom woke me @ 6am for her own amusement. -__- but she got me a giant balloon.
- ate a coffee cheese cake thing that said it would expire 5/24 But i guess it decided to expire early
- Diarrhea
- Cj & Pichu came and left
- Ate some ice cream with Santi and Ngeoo.
- everybody lagged it but i don't mind we were just really bored
- When Eunice was just about done doing my hair i started feeling faint-ish then threw up and yea..
- Ariel and Frazier got their period in a smile face
- I felt bad cause i had to sleep while everybody was still there.


Thanks guys for comming even though i was sick :(
& thank you for the presents (:
& thanks to the adults for all the cash >:D


I've realized that most of my birthdays fail. They are cursed i can swear. Theres always something that goes terribly wrong. At first i didnt want to do anything for my birthday because i was scared and i knew something was going to go wrong again. My birthday felt just like any other ordinary day. I wasnt even the least bit exited about it

i see your true colors

today .. ended up being a really good day (:
- i was proud of myself at school in ALL my classes. except for 4th :(
- me, Ariel, Cj, and NgeOo played cards, chilled, ate ish
- Me, Ariel, NgeOo motivated each other to finnish hw after Cj left, although i am not done yet.. still need to do Chemistry Project due tomorrow! D:
- We had very open conversations and it felt really nice
- Ate alot of pizza & conversed with my mother
- Joshy told us the 7 fingers joke. lmfao
- im getting to know new people & Jean Luc better! :D him and Rina are so cute. That was basically me & Jean Luc's main topic lunch time in Ms. Coon's class. Shits like Filipino Central there.
- Me, Ariel & NgeOo discussed many things especially future plans for summer & after high school.

Gosh were old.. Our faces have all started maturing since this year.



this be a good week (:
Today i've realized i havent really been living my full potential.

Even Small things can be really sweet

ever since the day you left
my world has been flipped upside down. i cannot express how much i miss you. Why'd you have to leave me so soon? you know how much i needed you. Maybe .. this is really God's work and he does have a better plan for me that what i anticipated . I really do hope so because this shit is killing me. I know you guys are in heaven watching over me. Thank you for blessing me with such amazing best friends and boyfriend that brighten up my day when things go wrong; people i share precious memories with. im very happy and thankful i have these people in my life.


Slowly throughout the years i've become so lost and i have slowly lost interest in alot of things. Slowly but surely, i'm progressing and going back to the way i use to be .. the better me x3 (= thats my goal.

NHS PROM 09

was amazing (:
- amazing date
- fun night
- nice venue
- Pleasure Limo
- sore after dancing all night :P
- movies @ my house @ 1am ish
- lovely experience

not anymore

today was acctually a great day exept for that thing that bothered me and what people kept saying .. anyways!
-last day of CST! whoohoo!
i woke up at like 6:20am and russhed to shower and stuff .. thankfully i made it on time.
1st period was okay. we continued watching Raisin in the Sun as Mr. Farnsworth constantly paused the film to get off topic and waste time.. as usual
2nd period was a breeze as i pretended to have my book again. I need to get to school earlier so i can get my French stuff
3rd period was okay. we pretended to clean chavez's room. Benji was stuck on Bob's Journey for a bit on my phone.
4th period was chill. Me and Daniel had a great talk once again. He's a great person to talk to (: always makes me feel better about stupid shit and gives HONEST opinion on things.
lunch; Ngeoo and I decided to go to CVS to buy .. Frazier tagged along. Its so fun sneaking out :P
5th period we watched part of supersize me. That movie is gross
6th period "Father Charles Went Down And Got Bananas" learning notes is frustrating but fun.
7th period was good. OH SHIT i forgot to call Michelle to have our talk today .. tomorrow for sure.

Sometime in the Afternoon after all my arrends .. Cj came over! (: we took a while picking out what movie to watch but we decided to watch a Korean Movie "Seducing Mr. Perfect" interesting movie it was . it was fun

The Sun Shines on Everyone

I like old fashioned letters and old fashioned courting (:

Yesterday was fun. we had a lazy day after the 7/8 am 3 mile jog.
last night was fun. Cousin's were over but went out with Lisa, NgeOo,Ariel, & Cj to go party. saw people
Lisa slept over! we planned to stay up late but that failed cause we were dead.. just knocked out once we hit the hay. lol

We woke up early like @ 7 am O_o im sore! Today i just plan to go to church with mommy and do hw, study and essays .. AND my Brussels Presentation :O Crap i havent even started.
Well Lisa's Dad came too early to pick her up -_- EARL BROUGHT MY PUPPY! i cant keep him yet though.. He still gets milk from his mommy. maybe in two weeks or so i'll pick him up. I'm going to love May(: Just not really looking forward to my birthday for some reason. Never really seem to end up how i want to.
I cant wait to pick up my dog from Lisa in 2 weeks. (: i love him so much! He is fat & walks like a penguin LOL he waddles. SUPER CUTE! i just cant find a name for him yet. Me and my mom disagree on names. she wants these like retardo names so i just named him BABY for now til we agree on a name. Im going to take him on walks and sleep with him and stuff :D haha

----------------------------

2am 4/27

Me and Lisa have planned to go to more parties and raves this summer with Samantha & Suzanne. them and their British accents. i miss them. ANYWAYS.
The highlights of my day was chillin with the Lao's after NOT seeing them for like .. 3 years!? gosh its been so long. ANND most especially Ben leaving was such a blessing .. After shopping they came over and our parents conversed & catched up while me, the twins & Jlao chilled in my room. the twins are having a sweet sixteen and so im going to be in their little dance. im exited to make new Riverside friends again! i kind wish i stayed there; i would have better grades straight A's like 8th grade.. but then again i wouldnt have met close people in this area if i did stay.

I HAD A GOOD WEEKEND .. besides the stupid bitch who annoys me. but nothings gna bring me down no mo'! Thats a promise to myself im keeping. so .. F it! lifes too short to let just 1 person/situation bring you down especially stupid ones. i feel so blessed(: STAY HAPPY MOTHAFUCKA. F THA BULLSHIT thats what i keep telling myself. but there are those rare times when its very hard to do so.

today is so weired
i shouldnt let it bother me because im a nice and im not selfish
but it is
and for crying out loud i have the right!

too much hw in so little time

Us Against the World

back from spring break.

School was okay. I was looking forward to have a GRRREAT day but things here and there pissed me off and stuff. Besides that it was a pretty gooooooood day. Im feeling happy/anxious/ excited all the time about the days to come & the future. BUT ITS SCARY! oh well. ANYWAYS! Went to Michael's, In n Out then to Rina & Regina's house to do prom hair and try on dresses! and to talk of course! :) i love mah best friend. OH! it was Alex's birthday today.. she brought Chocolate cheesecake and stuff lunchtime.. very tempting but i dont know why i didnt get any O_o its okay.
SPRING BREAK! was pretty chill. slept and got ALOT of rest which was good. Health got better over break.

Monday: i was in an awkward .. position but the beach was fun.


wow. i feel like i was such a horrible person BEFORE.
watching so many people around me just waste their lives and their time on useless things. I really hope i wont be wasting my time on unnecessary things/emotions/thoguhts anymore when i could be doing something more useful with my time.

AE MEETING TOMORROW! im excited (: i miss SLYM so much. Theres lots of new people now i know for sure. Time to meet some new faces! exciting(:

ooh! i painted my nails HOT PINK (: im starting to be okay with the color pink and other strange colors. haha

------------------------------------------------

im hungry but kitchen is too far away -_- wow. i feel like a fat person inside seriously.. especially next to Kent. He smokes and still runs 4 miles and stuff everyday??? well i miss him. i miss lots of people.

fuck i just had alot of thoughts in my head i wanted to type down right now .. i forgot. Living in Canada seems interesting.


i'll continue my thoughts tomorrow if i have time. i just remembered what i was going to type but i'll save it for tomorrow. IM TOO HUNGRY! its 12 and CST is tomorrow. wtf. i was planning on sleeping at 10. aim and hw kept me up. -_- oh well it was fun. :D todays good.

Have a little faith in me

slept @ 3 cause i couldnt sleep. my brain was overflowing with thoughts and thinking.. but then milk always makes me fall asleep so i drank some.

IM INLOVE WITH JASON REEVES SONGS! thanks alot Rina.
first it was "just friends" then is i started listening to his playlist.
its been playing since last night til' right now.i spent my morning laying around my bed cause i was sleepy and hungry .. but lazyiness overpowered the hunger. i wanted to write really bad so i wrote you something. Gosh im corny but i like writing letters now! SO WHAT.

i cant help but think .. Im soo lucky. Very lucky for tons of reasons. also very lucky to have the opportunity to have a second chance to make everything right and i certainly SHOULD NOT RUIN THIS CHANCE this time! well life is still kind of still in that shithole but im slowly improving myself everyday. (:

today was a very odd day ..

I woke up @ 6:30.. so i had to rush to school ..
1st period was acctually okay today. Me, Mhariel, her friend, and Ashley talked instead of doing work haha
2nd period i was doing chemistry work since we had a sub. it was that one filipino lady who usually subs for choir & plays the piano.
3rd period came. i had a very pleasant surprise laying on my desk! too bad i could not respond .. It was really cute though.

mm .. afterschool ..

keep the past IN the past

"cause i know it hurts when
you loose the one you wanted
cause he's taking you for granted
and everything you had got destroyed .."

yes yes that was the theme of me and Rina's talk today.



everything after 4pm was great yesterday.
i love my cousins
and YOU.
thanks for makin my day a bit better

TODAY;;
is bad cause ..
- i woke up late
- sleepy the whole day
- hard time concentrating
- headache and back ache
- im stressed about my future but im excited

is good because ..
- i have am very close to figuring out what i want to major in
- realized a few things
- 4 people who make my day no matter what
- i .. am more determined/motivated have once again thanks to me and cousin's conversation last night about our future.


my day overall is neutral. Im doing homework .. tomorrow i will go to Ariel's house with Rina after her badminton practice and hopefully kidnap Nge Oo too if shes not doing anything. mwahaha OH! i wonder if me, Ariel will go thru with our april fools prank we were planning.. if she tells Katrina in 5th period mwahaha! she'd be down i think. but its too mean! D:

i love deep talks. They're great .. Me and Rina for some reason go through the same exact thing and the same / almost same type of guys at the same time. i love it cause we don't necessarily have to go through some things alone.

this has been such an emotional week. so many tears have fallen from my eyes. I HATE IT. asdfghjkl; thinking of so many things .. i need to stop thinking to much about too many things. but sometimes you cant help it. my future? my family, things, myself, you ..
i love my cousins man. They inspire me everytime i talk to them. they never fail to make me feel better at the end of the day and i dont know what i'd do without them.
I wish .. they all lived here in Cali and we'd all be one giant happy family. That would be the ultimate gift.

--------
im very scared and nervous.. whenever i think about it .. i cry
whenever i prepare myself for tellin you .. i cry.
whenever i think about the thoughts that will appear in your head & how you'd react .. i cry
WTF.
i wish i could rewind and take it all away.
not make the dumb mistakes i made
i would save myself all this trouble .

ive been crying almost every nigth since friday .. i feel like an emo bitch. wtf. this will all stop .. as soon as i get everything out and say it to you.
but i get so scared.. that i just change my mind and start acting like an immature weirdo to avoid thinking about it and crying infront of you.

love letter;

hope is all i've got
love is all i have to give
i know that wont be enough
but thats all i can do for now

because i believe in miracles

im sick.
i had the flu last night
my stomach feels funny nomatter what i do.
whats even better is how i started my fucking morning.

i woke up at 230 in the morning which was fine. i ate some noodles and snuck them in my room hehe watched tv. i was falling asleep but i had to text cj cause i was worried that i wouldnt get my Sadies ticket on time. when my mom woke me up .. she woke me up by yelling at me and picking another fight at me. she said i had to go to school whether i had a fever or not or if my stomach felt funny cause supposedly .. "ive missed too many days in school this year" when ive only missed about 2 or 3 so far 2009. UGH.

brb. ima cook. continue after

Fidelity

hw is more important that myspace and blogging.
im lessening the time i waste on myspace and unnecessary things
i need to go back to being a nerd and managing my time more adequately and stay on top of my grades again but sometimes it seems as if the harder i try the more impossible it is to go back :/ but its okay! im going to try my hardest to stay focused and forget unnecessary things. im doing good in THAT so far at least. Uncle Boy is comming to live with us again! hes really informational and sometimes cannot stop talking about a subject when you ask one simple question. its a good thing i guess cause its informational. D: maybe he can help me if i have trouble with Chemistry and especially ANATOMY! :D im kinda excited .. but not excited about the fact how my mom has to share rooms with me again ugh ;_;

Anyway, everything afterschool today was really great. I got lazy to pick up my stuff from Ngeoo's house today.. tomorrow for sure. I HATE FARNSWORTH! ugh. ill type about htat later maybe
OKAY HW TIME! blog after maybe if i have time or not sleepy.

"If you wait too long for the perfect moment, the perfect moment will pass you by"

brighter days

my goal for the past two weeks have been to blog but i keep putting it off. either im too busy, too tired or no time ): i like being busy though; but breaks are nice.
i want to start blogging from the MTPP day but .. i'll start that later. i'll work my way backwards from today if i have time.

today was a good day i suppose. i slept at 330 am cause i couldnt sleep): too much thinking but it was worth it. i woke up @ 7 and started doing chemistry homework that i put off last night cause i was a lazy bastard. i didnt care if i went to school lookin like shit .. i was just determined to get my homework done. my hair pissed me off the whole day. i really need to straighten it everyday sadly. anyway; school was a drag but i was more determined to learn and do my work thanks to the all nighter i had pondering. Cj brought Bella to school! Edward is a monkey .. he climbs on the top of his cage with his arms and does pull ups without his legs D: heavyweight hamster. Me and Monica wanted to take a nap during lunch but we couldnt. i got energized by all the sugar i had consumed. Me & Ariel were suppose to go to NgeOo's house afterschool but it got postponed til friday since we had too much homework and were too sleepy so i just went home. i have a crapload of homework to turn in for Chemistry tomorrow.. sigh. MR. HESS IS HAVING A BABYGIRL! :D congrats to him. but we'll all be sad when he misses a few weeks of school since his wife is giving birth soon. im excited for him .. mm what if his baby and BabyJoshua will be born on the same day.. that would be interesting.

i need to go back to staying positive and being strong. Having my old attitude back. YES i will get it back. i need to stop being so negative about myself and other things.. and i realize .. i should stop being afraid and taking things for granted cause im already regretting it. i should be careful on SOME things but wheres the fun in that? i want a challenge, adventure and i want to explore many things. no more dwelling on the past or thinking too much all the time. my head is finally cleared.

theres just one more thing thats going to keep me sad however .. and i guess scared.
but thats just one thing and nothings guaranteed. and nomatter what happens .. live goes on. Unfortunately; time is a very selfish thing. it wont stop or slow down for ANYONE nomatter how special or important you think you are.

"Love yourself first; genuinely"

arctic shelf

today sucks balls.
i feel so bad and sad. everything has changed. i really miss my best friend Daniel.. im going to put some extra effort into hanging out with old friends once again.
i miss how almost everything use to be. what the hell happend to me? i gross myself out sometimes. i have changed myself for the better but it seems like its not even getting any better at all. im not good enough ..

dead & gone

i feel like shit today. it is hard to decipher what choices i must make due to many events and emotions floating around lately. However thru it all it will be a good day tomorrow; and the rain doesnt last forever. The old Jessica is dearly missed but i will genuinely improve the new Jeska starting today. she will BE the best of both worlds. She will never settle for less or second best anymore.
Not many people know what i am upset about; in fact, there are only less than five who know of my troubles right now. so i expect you not to understand this little blog that i am rambling on.

anyway i start writing about my day.
today was a chill day. perfect day to sleep and for a movie night. mark and mariel chilled in my room and watched garfield as i upload pictures onto the computer. i fell asleep for a while but oh well. helped mariel get a new myspace but they left an hour later cause ateh dess had to work. i find the woman amazing. her body and face has the structure of a model and she works two jobs and handles two very talkative kids especially a kid like Mark AND the drama going on. Kuya tony is one lucky man.
moving on with my day.. the whole day i just sat infront of the computer, watched tv and fell asleep from time to time. my plan at cleaning my room failed .. but i got most of my things ready for pageant already except for a few missing necessities not purchased yet. my day was really boring and unsatisfactory.

37 red roses; 2 balloons & giant chocoheart

02/13: The first few hours of my day was really shitty. I feel even more stupid as the days before. I really should go back and read my books and be the little nerdy jessica again. I miss her.. I do better when i learn on my own not when someone teaches me. anyway .. It was raining today. Afterschool, Cj surprised me with 12 roses and a giant kiss.. I didn't know if the giant kiss was for me so .. I left it. Til this moment I still don't know lol watever. he still made my day either way(:

12am: we spent Val's birthday @ In n out w. Val, Jesmond, Monica and prayer meeting people AFTER the prayer meeting. It was really boring for me cause I was super sleepy the whole time ): I shudve napped before prayer meeting. Well approximately 45 minutes alter I got home and went to bed instantly.

10:30am: my plan tmo wake up early failed. So I was running late on EVERYTHING. Cleaning my room, and what made my day lag even ore was the 1994 Miss America Pageant that Ben made me watch. -__- it was around 2 when I got done cleaning my room and I got shower going. I went to the mall with my mom with my hair half curled so I used Cj's hat .. Well his friend's hat to cover the top of my head hehe. Me and my mom got in a fight for that whole 3 hours we were @ the mall and on the way back. :/ At this point of my day I was already convinced I was going to have another unsatisfactory Valentines.

me and Cj chilled @ Nogales Burger and played air hockey, tap tap revolution I think it was, and a few other games on his phone then headed to CVS cause we were bored. it was too late forkent to take me ice skating): I feel bad I made him wait all day especialy cause i havent seen him all year except that one time when he surprised me with my christmas present a few weeks after new years. Stupid thing >_< made me lag it. Oh well. Anyway; When I got home, I found Kuya Tony and his family were here! :D Daniel surprised me when he rang my doorbell. Good thing no1 heard it otherwise Ben would kill me for a male friend of mine to even just be on his doorstep. So I hid him outside and we exchanged presents and I finally gave him his super late birthday present but ill have to give him his letter tomorrow when we chill. Well .. Me, my cousin & her friends weren't chillin anymore . So .. Kent surprised me with a dozen red roses & we decided to visit the top of the world really quick cause its been months since we've been there. I finally gave him his birthday present also which was a jacket from forever 21 lol I hope he still wears it. it was freezing at the top of the world but it was worth it cause we watched the fireworks show at Disneyland from a distance. He took me home around 10pm cause he had to wish his friend a happy birthday.

So today didn't turn out so bad. This is the first Valentines Day that didn't go as bad as the other ones. it was really akward valentines day but an okay one i suppose.. yet i wasunsatisfied with this one little thing..
the flowers are all lovely I wish I could plant them all in my backyard but according to my mother, since it failed for her it will fail for me as well.