I LOVE this!

http://everythinglove.tumblr.com/tagged/ingredients_of_love/chrono

Ingredients for love

MOOD SWINGS OF THE DAY

• tired didn't wanna get out of bed
• optimistic made plans for the day
• happy / giddy 
• frustrated
• cranky
• emotional / tears rolled down when i drove
• cried in the car then fell asleep there
• lazy 
• HIPER / giddy i'm literally dancing around my room to chris brown right now. God i need a dance class stat! 

wtf. most moods in one day. haha

i'm craving some thai ice tea, a bowl of sliced assorted fruits and some ribs.

*DROOL*

i know that if we were still close that you'd be at my door with all of these in an hour.

People need to just stfu sometimes. Do you even know the shit that comes out your mouth that you say just to be part of a hype?

kids these days .. -_-
First thought about this when i listened closely to the last verse of Bad Lands - Zion I
made me laugh to myself at how true it was.


Sometimes, i wish i was a teenager in Chicago during the 90's.

Monthly Visitor

no wonder i've been cranky lately and over thinking & over stressing.

Right now i just dgaf about anything -_-
i'm so confused. SO moody
so needy/whiny
but is it being whiny/needy/complaining really all it's cut out to be?
i mean, i just know what i want and what i don't want.
is that so much to ask for?

DAMN. I hate being needy. I just feel pathetic when i complain or request something so..i'll just not say anything.

anyways; on a side note, i've been into red lips lately and all of my clothes. ALL of it. I'm trying to not ignore anything i have in my closet and drawers anymore. After all, what's the point of having all these things if i'm not going to use them right?  it just takes up space. I know my clothes feel forgotten and i hate that feeling so i wont damage their ego anymore.  I'll rock the shit out of everything i wear and do.
Yes i have a wild imagination.. that just shows the artistic side of me.

I want to tell you all these things. SO many things. Everything from the cheesiest, most cliche things to  all the other random things on my mind but i don't know why i'm still not completely comfortable with that. probably it's because i don't want to look anymore like a fool.  I always have my guard up.. still. -__-  The next theory i have is because we never get to talk as much about US. We don't have stupid conversations about random shit. We don't have those late night conversations on AIM anymore or the phone (and i HATE how i'm not allowed to). All we have us the usual, "sup".  I don't feel as connected to you as i expected to be at this point.  I have so many questions. Questions i must share with you.  Maybe it's just me.. 
what happened?
FUCK now i feel like crying -_-
curse my period for making me so emotional and all'a this moody crap.
i'll stop while i can still stop myself.


I know this post has really jumped topics like crazy but that just goes to show how i'm thinking more than usual.(i despise having to point out the obvious but usually people just don't get me or even ask so i have to..)

I have a secret.

I"m just going to come out and say it.
I love my body. Yes, every inch of it.
No, not everything in it is perfect but i like it that way.
I love my personality.
No i'm not perfect but i like it that way.
My flaws and perfections together make me who i am.
I never admitt things about loving myself  out loud because judgmental people would automatically call me conceited.
Being conceited is about revolving around yourself and making everything around you.
Being conceited means wanting to manipulate everything so that you're always the center of attention
Being conceited is being addicted to the spotlight
But i'm not like that.
I simply love myself the way I am because i accept who i am. that's all.
It's being completely comfortable and confident with myself.
It's being happy with myself.
I love ME the way i am.
So no; i refuse to apologize for being me and loving me.

“we are afraid to care to much; for fear that the other person does not care at all”

Relevant to me. -___-

Rap

Especially underground rap.  The one that's not as popular as the music they advertise at clubs to get low and freaky.

No. The meaningful ones with lyrics that tell a story.

That's the type that i like.

I like people filled with knowledge.  The ones who are constantly thinking but also have a sense of humor.

The ones who are comfortable with themselves.
The ones who crave change for the better and the ones who are thirsty for more knowledge just like I.
The ones who i can have a GOOD conversation with.

Sweetest Language - 9th Wonder
Words I never said - Lupe Fiasco
For real - Amel Larrieux

I'm sitting here reading my old entries.  I came across someone's two comments on two of my old entries so i proceeded to read his whole blog all over again.  It's been a while

It's nice to read that you are part of someone's day and that you were the reason why their day was good.  That you are the reason for the thoughts in their head.
It's nice to know that someone reads your posts and has an input or has a random message to write back about it.
It's nice to know that someone still remembers little details about you
It's nice to know that someone still bothers and goes that extra step to be a gentleman and make you feel special above the rest.
It's nice to know through actions not through words.

"People are illogical, and unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives Do good anyway. If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway. The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway. People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight Build anyway. People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway. Give the world your best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway."

“Can’t is the worst word that’s written or spoken;

Doing more harm here than slander and lies;
On it is many a strong spirit broken,
And with it many a good purpose dies.
It springs from the lips of the thoughtless each morning
And robs us of courage we need through the day:
It rings in our ears like a timely-sent warning
And laughs when we falter and fall by the way.

Can’t is the father of feeble endeavor,
The parent of terror and half-hearted work;
It weakens the efforts of artisans clever,
And makes of the toiler an indolent shirk.
It poisons the soul of the man with a vision,
It stifles in infancy many a plan;
It greets honest toiling with open derision
And mocks at the hopes and the dreams of a man.

Can’t is a word none should speak without blushing;
To utter it should be a symbol of shame;
Ambition and courage it daily is crushing;
It blights a man’s purpose and shortens his aim.
Despise it with all of your hatred of error;
Refuse it the lodgment it seeks in your brain;
Arm against it as a creature of terror,
And all that you dream of you some day shall gain.

Can’t is the word that is foe to ambition,
An enemy ambushed to shatter your will;
Its prey is forever the man with a mission
And bows but to courage and patience and skill.
Hate it, with hatred that’s deep and undying,
For once it is welcomed ‘twill break any man;
Whatever the goal you are seeking, keep trying
And answer this demon by saying: “I can.”“

”

—	Edgar A. Guest

I get bored very easily...

bored of "the usual".
bored of being alone and talking to myself in my head
bored of the constant
bored of being broke
bored of broken promises
bored of bills
bored of empty words
bored without family around
bored without friends around
bored without adventure.  Thank God i drive now.
Driving alone takes my mind off of things
just wish i had an aux chord in my car.

Would you sacrifice your life for your career/school?

I got this question when i was watching Lady Gaga's 60 minutes interview.  Lady Gaga sacrificed her life for showbiz.  I caught a glimpse of the life she lived. She's such an amazing person.  anyway;

      If i'm going to be any type of doctor, i will have to sacrifice my life.  I wont be able to do the things i always want to do or hang out with whoever i want and when i want because i'm going to be busy studying, and being on call for my patients. (I mean, 20 years to be a Dermatologist!?) Basically, i'm going to have to sacrifice my life for my patients.  I'm going to live for them.
Am i willing to make this sacrifice? I mean, there's so much i want to do!

Love vs. Infatuation

I wish everyone knew the difference.  I wish everyone knew the difference before they tell me they love me.

Have i truly "loved" all of my ex boyfriends/ suitors? NO; not all at least now i know that. Though i loved them as a friend.  I'm looking back and our cute stories would convince you that it was love but it wasn't.  We were still so young.  Anyone can have a cute story when you tell it about the first few weeks/months of your "love".  l wish i never got with anyone unless i already knew the difference but i suppose wouldn't know if it wasn't for those relationships.
I wish i could say that the first person i ever had a relationship with was love but it wasn't.  It was peer pressure.
I wish that the person i'm going to marry is going to be my "first love" but maybe he wont be. but he will definitely be my "soul mate" because i mean, we're going to spend the rest of our lives being faithful to each other and being best friends.

So how do you know the difference when it's sometimes hard to tell the difference at all?
i think i can tell. just wont take the time to post it cause i would know how to fully explain all the details.. let's just say; you'll get the feeling and know.


I have learned not to fantasize about me and a significant other's future together past marriage (no matter how much you two think it's going to work out) unless we will be engaged.  Frankly, i'm afraid of the topic.  Don't get me wrong, it's nice to dream of that.. but Fantasizing of the future just distracts from the now. (I also don't want to jinx anything if there is even a chance that a man will be "the one" for me)
     The whole point of a relationship is to get to know each other fully, love, fix the problems of the relationship today, build a strong connection and understanding, be best friends & be there for each other, and most importantly, have fun with each other.  A relationship focuses on the US and not each other individuality. Problems? speak up, talk the whole thing out, everything on your mind, and agree on a compromise.

So for now, i dream of my future by myself with a mystery man. When i dream about it, I am hopeful that it's a certain someone but then i force myself back to the mystery man.

And I HAVE thought about the idea of ending up alone, a long time ago.  &You know what? I am perfectly fine if that happens.  More time for the things i want to do & my hobbies, my friends and family.  I would also adopt a lovely orphan child and save his/her life for the better.
Either way, i'll end up H A P P Y. & boss with my strong, independent self.
Life goes on no matter what happens so might as well make the best out of what you have.

Knowledge is Power.

To know your role is to know your power.

To know your importance is to know your power.

To know your surroundings is to know your power.

To know yourself is to know your power.

To know your strength is to know your power.

To know your power, as a woman, is far beyond the knowledge of most today.

Knowledge is Powerful, when shared. Sustain your power and share your knowledge with the world

-FLTM

Unappreciated

My day reached it's peak and it slowly went downhill to a crash.
           I came home to yelling and complaining about news on the TV. I proceeded to sneak in my room as usual without turning on the lights.  Ben asks my mom why i wont turn on my lights.  My mom tells him that i'm in the living room.  But Ben, the stalker/creep that he is, knows that i just got to my room.  So, automatically, my mom comes in my room and asks me why.  I respond with "Oh i'm conserving energy.  Plus, i barely got home"(since they always complain how i waste energy. -_- i'm barely home. How could i be?). "Oh OK".
           After a few minutes, Ben comes storming in (as usual) all of a sudden yelling at me and calling me names.  "Useless" he says, REALLY NOW!? I voluntarily payed for the bills for two months in a row. I carry all the heavy shit that YOU should be carrying.  Even though it's too heavy for me,  I just don't say anything and carry it anyways because i know if i don't carry it, my mom is going to and i know that's no bueno on her back and her heart.  I clean my room every single day without being told.  I WOULD be happy to do chores outside of my room and bathroom if you weren't on my ass and watching my every move you creep.  We're the ones who go out, get water, get the grocery, pay the bills, my mom's the one who cleans every inch of your house.  AND what do you do? sit in your room and watch tv & porn all fucking day long and be loud as fuck. Oh and blow your money on piles and stacks of junk in this house that no body even wants.  So how could you complain about not having money? dumbass.
           Oh and you wonder why i have so much hate for you? that's not even everything, you know all the abuse you've put me through before? yeah i might have "forgave" you for my mother but i will never forget.  You're so damn lucky my mom is SOOO forgiving. 
            Anyway; before i could even say anything, my mom comes in to defend his ass.  All of a sudden she's on his side.  -____-  Idk wtf my mom wants. How could she be so blind?! Ben always has to ruin it when things between me and my mom are going amazingly well.  Jealous pathetic bitch.


Honestly, why do i even bother to try in this house anymore? Why do i even bother coming home?  -_- Oh right, it's cause i love my mother so much i wanna see her happy.  But her logic is just so messed up. I just try and stay out as much as i can to avoid all this as much as i can.  I'm surprised i've put up with this for her for almost 10 years.. 




All this just cause i wont turn on my fucking light.

don’t EVER boss me the fuck around you pathetic, good-for-nothing monster -__-
you have done enough damage to my life already as it is so just let me be.  I grew up to be a great woman with good judgement regardless of the shit you make me and my mother put up with. 

I don’t understand when people hate or dislike a person (or people) for the following reasons:

1. Because one of your friends or your group of friends don’t like the person, so you automatically dislike the person as well

2. You dislike one person of a group, therefore you dislike the entire group of people

3. Because that person is your significant other’s ex

4. Because you heard something about that person, but you don’t know if it’s true, you just assume that it is

5. Because you’re envious - they have something you want, they’re friends with people you want to be friends with, they’re able to do something you can’t, etc.

You shouldn’t hate for reason:

#1. It just goes to show how much of a follower you are and can’t generate your own accurate and nonjudgmental opinion about the person. If you have no reason to dislike the person, don’t jump into the conversation saying, ‘I agree,’ when you have no place to say anything. Also, you have no place to judge a person in the first place. You are not God, you didn’t create the person, so you have no place to judge the person.

#2. If there is a single person in a group whom you have foul feelings for, do not let those feelings spread throughout the whole group. They didn’t do anything to you so you shouldn’t say anything bad about them. If it’s only that one person that you have issues with, stick to that one person because when you hate a group for no reason, you create more issues.

#3. Just because it’s hard to accept the fact that someone else had a past with your present and future, it’s not an excuse to be mad at them. There’s obviously a reason why they never made it to their present/future. Do not pay too much attention to the past because it’s gone. Live in the present and hope for the future.

#4. When you assume something, you make an ass out of you and me.

#5. Envy is one of the seven deadly sins. It’s also not a pretty/handsome look on both women and men.

Pretty much! Hate/dislike/ill feelings/etc., it’s not right and it ain’t worth it. I’m guilty for all the reasons above, but trust me, I’m learning. In fact, not only shouldn’t you hate for the reasons above, but you shouldn’t hate at all. Yes, we’re human and hate is a very strong and tempting feeling, but it’s something you should definitely try your hardest to avoid and resist.

Remember: Hostility is not the best accessory.

"It’s about working hard for what you want and knowing when to stand up for what you deserve. It’s not about demoralizing others; it’s about self-empowerment. It’s not about being arrogant; it’s about displaying your confidence and intellect as a badge of pride. It’s not asserting any inherent superiority or self-entitlement, but recognizing your own self-worth and value."

In order to gain the right respect, respect yourself enough first to know that you deserve it.

In order for others to trust you, you must trust yourself enough to be real with them.

In order for others to believe in you, you must have faith in you and your actions.

In order for you to to rely on others, make sure you are able to rely on yourself first.

In order to be treated like a Lady, you must act like one.

<2First Lady

I want to talk to someone..

face to face.  Filled with everything from inside jokes to deep talks (because that's what I enjoy most)
and not with just anyone..
I want it wit you
IMY <3
You are so close
yet so far..

Note to self: this entry will be filled with paragraphs describing why i love Travie Mccoy.

one of the only things missing is a dancer trait and he's perfectly imperfect <3
OH and minus the smoking ...

thoughts i got while stretching that i must make a brief statement about..

   I know i'm going to make even more sacrifices than i've made to change the course of my life.  If i'm going to keep on slakin off on school and have a mediocre job that doesn't guarantee a stable position in society, i'm going to end up like my mother; switching jobs for the rest of my life.  I WILL be the breadwinner for my family.  Yes there are a few in my family, but not enough.  Some have even forgotten about us once they rose to their duties as a successful individual.  No, i will never forget my family.
i'll prolly go into more detail tomorrow.