Sherlock Holmes

- Went to church w/ momma & dropped off @ Cj's
- Went to Francis & Jan's house for pizza and what not w/ Cj, Jamie, Jerel, & Grace
- Watched Sherlock Homes <33
- Grace's house for Monopoly, movie and Beer Pong til 5am ! <3
- Nocturnal Ninjas with boyfriend <33
- went back to Baldomero house around 730am
- Cosco and Target.. BEST BUY w/ the clone mask! <33
- assembled mask and attempted @ Star Wars Marathon til Cj got sleepy and my mom called .__.

IT was a very awesome 24 hours til the last few hours. add more details after my movie hehe.

Don’t get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when they start to not give a fuck.

i'm a pain in the ass and i'll annoy the hell out of you, but you won't find a girl who cares about you more than i do.



real talk

Wiide awake @ 4am

Just got back from a random kidnap by Jean - Luc, Ariel, NgeOo or should i say .. Mewtwo! and Marlon! Then Claude came after a while.

W e chilled infront of my house while the girls snuck in to pee and eat. Debated where we all wanted to go for the early morning hours. Marlon was our driver for the night. Jean-Luc’s car was our car. Claude took his own car by himself; i felt bad for him.

Claude led the way to The View in Walnut. I think its better than Top of the World. Much easier to get to and much cleaner! Had a nice talk with Marlon til Jean-Luc said it was time go depart. He said he was gonna make me a big house on the spot of The View someday when he’s an engineer (:

Claude also lead the way to Gingrich park but he left right after.. we really needed him. didnt know how scary it was til we went halfway up the dark trail. Then we chickened out and ran back.. had to ninja our way out of sight of passer byers.

Headed to the Haunted house full of cats! scary how everything was on the way from the lovely view. I wasn’t convinced til that white cat started going after Jean-Luc.. while the rest of us watched from inside the car of course haha. Ariel got in trouble so we had to drop her and Mewtwo off then Marlon and Jean-Luc dropped me off. Though i was very tired from my day and shower, i had lots of fun! I missed hanging out with them! and Marlon is cool too! We were missing Cj and Rina from our little group though. Its okay! we’ll take them when we can all drive because i dont think they can come out this early in the morning cause of parentals.. you know how that goes.. :/ its okay! less than a year left! woo.. so anxious ^_^

Anyways, good.. Morning. hopefully i wake up on time at 12 noon to meet up with my project. Made some plans with Mewtwo to play ball and teach Ariel but i highly doubt we are capable of waking that early in the morning especially after this morning. Good morning tumblrers (:

http://www.formspring.me/jeskalovee

LOL

Secret Santa Gift Exchange

I started my day with a lazy morning as my mom was busy finally trying to find me a dentist near here cause I haven't gone to the dentist due to the inconvenience of distance and other reasons.. I'm gonna miss having my aunt as my dentist and visiting Alhambra once in a while. The dentist took forever -_- i was getting so impatient but the wait was worth it. I got my molar tooth taken out! Yes i still have baby teeth :P Ben had another tantrum cause my mom could not leave the dentist to pick him up from the hospital -_- watever inconsiderate bitch.

Went to Khols to purchase Sebastian's present. Got dropped off @ Cj's. Chris drove us to Abby's along with Katrina. Apples to Apples. Said grace and ate.. Gift exchange! I love my present Nate! thank you oh so mucho grandes<3 Pictures pictures <3

Hitched a ride with Michelle and Alek back to Cj's and i pretty much spent the night there.. whenever i'm there.. i get awfully sleepy all of a sudden ..i wonder why O_o Cj's theory: I'm more comfortable there than home .

missing enthusiasm and adventure.. i need it all back

i miss all the unexpected plans and how fun it all turns out.
I need to get out of this town .. this area. At least for the weekend or something. I kinda hate this area and my school a bit but its better than the super ghetto area. People are surprised when i say i wanna go to FJC if i go to a 2 year first. Yea Mt. Sac is just right there but its just like high school all over again.. plus its so crowded you dont usually get the classes you want. eh. we'll see.

today.. BORING day at school.
Went on a date to McDonalds with Babyboy.. Grease concert was pretty fun. Gave Rico the leftovers of my Angus 3rd Pounder. I saw.. SAM! she gave me .. news -_- saw.. Chris and Joel who also watched! :D I WISH I WENT TO WALNUT HIGH SCHOOL. i'd have soo much more fun there. oh well .. short blog.. perhaps i'll continue after another episode of SP.... im soo sleepy but... INTERNET IS ADDICTING! i missed this! BYE! :d

HAPPY 6 MONTHS MY PENGUIN

School was boring as usual.
woke up late and took a "quick" shower.. 5 min. late to 1st but i could care less today. woke up too late to make cupcakes which is why i'm going to make some tonight
1st: was ok. the books were kinda entertaining i must admit.
2nd: waited outside as 2 of the guys tried out for beauty school drop out i believe. Ate halloween oreos w/ milk w/ my babyboy(:
3rd: was aight. took the Red Cross Card test thing
4th: was funny as usual. talked to Tino about halloween plans. took notes and saw a video.
5th: texted fawzi. 2 guys that annoy me now -_- Karla and her friend are cool sauce though (: we keep track of our monthsaries.. 4:alvaro and his gf, 8th for me and cj, 18th for Karla and her man! yay! were cool haha. they remembered so they greeted me. formed a circle and passed the ball around to a french rap song ahaha. Oh! and were creating dialogues w/ a partner. Kinda funny dialogue.
8th: people to the right side of the class engaged in some straaaaangeee convo. about people and their virginities and how some girls lost it .. STRANGE GIRLS, AAANYWAYS. .
LUNCH: sorry baby got bored.. i helped Ariel finnish her hieroglyphics and talked as i colored and traced it.
6th: was acctually good-ish.. had great conversations with ading Justine baby!

Met up with my babyboy after school .. craved some chilicheesefries and he wanted thai ice tea so we decided to go satisfy our hunger before the park.
after an hour or so of food coma, we walked to the park and chilled on our spot again(: i love days like these.. when we just chill at the park or somewhere. truly missed it! i gave him my surprise. i love passing time with my boyfriend. its fun being bored together<3 we saw a husky! and a bunch of cute doggies.

Lisa the bitch called and said she was at my school for a volleyball game.. but i wasnt even there! D: i was kinda saaad she left school early so i couldn't see her..oh whellz.

we stayed til around 6:30 .. it was freezing! i should have worn shoes and a thicker jacket.. silly me. Momma dear picked us him with the dogs! when we got home we walked them .. IRAN w/ Jill.

I HAVE LOTS TO DO TONIGHT! PEACE. expect me to be on this more often again.

i LOVElove love THIS WEATHER<3 hmm.. the white coat or the leather jacket? that is the question. :o

I..

will stop being lazy and acctually go with my plan months ago to still write my everyday happenings here.

tumble!

i got a tumblr guys! :D
im se excited! i love it cause its twitter AND blog all wrapped up in one with extra stuff.. AND i can blog on the go! perfect for someone who cant reach the computer as often as they'd like. theres so much i want to put on there idk were to start!
i'll still use blogspot.. i will prove you wrong O:<
jeskalovee.tumblr.com


i Spent the afternoon and evening with my boyfriend :D
We ended up postponing watching a movie for tomorrow..
We spent the afternoon at mi casa: tried to learn how to reject, talked&took a nap<3, THOUGHT about cooking but decided to go to McDonalds to be little pedophiles.
Interesting/unique people always come into McDonalds.

I'm a little happy that we wont be going to a party tomorrow night.. But i cant wait to party with Daniel for the first time! :D

Jlao texted & called me out of nowhere.. I've missed you! I made him get a tumblr :P
i can easily quote alot of shit from our conversations. just like.. :
"Jealousy never gets anyone anywhere"-JLao
"Ay! im so chismoSA......!"-Jlao
"You know when you tell your best friend/friend something that was really meant for someone else but you can never tell that someone else because your hesitant/shy/scared of what might happend? You SHOULD tell that someone else because that is when you guys start communicating.. that is when you guys will know where you actually stand. And if it goes bad, things go wrong/bad or get harder to make relationships and people stronger" -- Me

Everytime I close my Eyes

i dont feel like blogging in paragraphs cause im rushing. so tired lately! :|

07/06/09;; MONDAY ---- HAPPY 3 MONTHS.
I was late to school but surprisingly, Mr. Bergslien didn't give me the whole speech he usually gives people. He was actually cheerful O_o
Helped the Nacho Stand and "sketch the wall"
Texted boyfriend til' he left the harbor. i hope you had fun & took pictures(:
Was really early to Mt. Sac So i sat. it was burning hot! ):
"Malibewww" - Mario. we lost Amy today.
Chill outside my house with Ateh Kris & Fraz.
Mervin owes me Poker Lessons
Whisper voice: "cmon, get in. i wont hurt you anymore. i have food"
serious moment: "you see.. we have this quote we live by .." (3 minutes pass) ".. shit. what was that quite again?"


07/07/09;; Tuesday
I'm in a MUCH BETTER mood today; despite the fact that im super tired & sleepy ):
Stayed to Chill & watch people sketch wall.
Me & Ryan went to go buy the girls Boba and to smell Mexico
Math was even longer and more boring. i hate those long problems! they take forever.

----------------------------------------------------------------------


i hvent blogged the rest of the week but all i have to say is that i have definitely matured alot this week. Im so proud of myself. So i made some resolutions.
i'll make a separate blog about all that when i get home tonight.

Millionaire

Today was super fun!
Had my very first trip to Brea Mall<3
i LOVE IT THERE! i have a good reason to save my moneys now.
Frazier may have gotten a ticket.
Ateh Kristine looked hot.
Saw Regina & Rina
Made Pesoy look gay. THANK YOU VERY MUCH BTW! (:
Bought a couple dresses but i must go back to buy some more stuff.
Had to leave cause Frazier was hungry and I took forever in Forever 21 hehehe
Saw Step-Sister&cousins-in-Law

i honestly want to get to know your gf.
she seems just like me from what you've been telling me.
IM TIRED! goodnights<3

To Defy the rules of gravity

Ngyehehehe
My stomach is a beast up in this motha
Sardines
Friends in the background (;
- "lets do it tomorrow for Valentines day"
h.w.s O:< yea i DO mind mothasucka
momma's fren's casa. met some people!
where my dugs @?
thats what she saids
Til' there was you
etc. etc. too tired to type the rest

i love you baby very much
.. and ill miss you even more than i've missed you lately



--------------------------------------------------------
July 5th Morning:

There are just some things you cant avoid no matter how hard you try.. so I'll just stop avoiding cause thats just wasting my time. lets have fun and Enjoy life.
LETTING MY FUCKING GUARD DOWN. aalllmost all the way. (:<

: BREA! with my shopping buds (:
: perhaps visit their fam. i miss them so much.
: Church with my Babyboy
blog about my day tonight (: peace


Paradiso Girls - Patron Tequila.
search that song homes. thats my song! :D

Cross fingers

i miss yous more than anything.
ive been missing everybody and everything
i thought i was trying hard enough to go back to my old self
but the more i try the more i fail.
i guess i need to put extra effort this time.
everytime im reminded of yous i feel refreshed and inspired
motivated to go back to the place were i started and visit.
my pride and jealously has been getting in the way of everything
ive been surprised about the things ive been learning about myself lately
but most of all disappointed. im changing that.
ANYWAY
ive been itching to play basketball and soccer!

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

Due to my recent irregular outings at night AND hanging out with NgeOo,I've caught a high fever of about 105 from Sunday til Wednesday. i now have an inhaler, and a few pills i need to take temporarily for treatment.



I feel much better today. thanks to the massage, medication, the talks, and the sleep this week!
however i've realized that i've been pondering about our thang lately.
Also, a few people have been pissing me off alot lately. All this has caused me to be very irritable. But im sure i figured out myself today(: i love friends (the show and the people) :D

Dark Weather

Dam you NgeOo.. got me and King sick.

THIS WEEKEND: went to a party in Walnut.. then to West Covina and came back,
when people started dancing at around 12.. they shut it down. wtf is that.
anyway .. went home from "watching a movie with NgeOos cousins" hehe
got picked up then went to the top of the world. i had to sneak out my window
Then other people came. i missed them. we just chilled outside my house. Reminisce about last summer. Told each other stories. Dongsang :D

sweet memories

1 GIANT POSTER for NgeOo
5 shirts for 5 seniors
4 letters > 2 orders of long ones

writing letters is so depressing..
it hasnt really hit me yet but i guess its doing it very slowly

update after!

---------

i want to phone w/ someone right now..
acctually thats how ive been feeling lately.

Hurt So Good

MojoMojo
Powerfuck girls
feet burn
Jerking & Shuffling
Stole NgeOo's first kiss
Hot Korean Noodles
Blogtv
etc.

Today was really fun. Spent afterschool @ Choir Taco stand after Cj's presentation. GOOD JOB! :D Then migrated to the benches and NgeOo's house w/ Ariel, Cj, David Russell & David til about 10:30! I really wanna learn the ukulele rather than the guitar. i can acctually wrap my fingers around the neck and reach the strings MUCH easier. Then evenually we got to tickling each other and i kicked SOMEONE's crotch.. twice! D: i feel really bad but it was on accident .. i have really bad reflexes. thanks ngeoo.
welp .. im very sleepy and i need to take as much sleep as i can get cause i hardly get any. GOODNIGHT.

Model Productions

my Blogtv account is: jeskaa23


Today was FUN.
We were late to our Fashion / Talent show but thas okay! rescheduled @ 5.
i kind of believe this ish want real. waste of my money. Oh well it was still fun.
McDonald's rap & Chasing Pavements ACapella. I think we were the oldest people in our group LOL. there were these cute little kids! One little boy bucked sicklike. One 2 year old ran up and down the catwalk. 1 little girl we made friends with did the Hanna Montana dance thing. and many other cute kids. Then we chilled @ my place.. suppose to make shirts but got distracted by blogtv and sweets! oh the shugarush. anyway. im tired. GOOOODNIGHT.

You the Fuck'n Best

I am very pleased with my day today.
I guess i work best when i loose some sleep O_o maybe ..
Im really Sorry I couldnt go to Bishop Amat Concert. Sorry King & Eunice!
Orientation was okay though. It was cold! but i loved the wind.
Tomorrow i need to purchase my $10 I.D.
IMTOFW

Web Cams

i cant sleep
headache. tummy. blah
i think i think too much
Goodmorning

Today i will:
_go to school
_work out & jog
_Anatomy PPP
_design shirt
_Orientation @ 6:30
_Project with NgeOo
_SLEEP EARLY D:<

Waking Up

it feels like my life is falling apart
its time to seriously do something about it.
no more procrastinations or doubting on anything.
Goodmorning reality.
we meet again


im going to church today to pray
then off to the library!

------------------------------------

The library made me feel alot beter
i was looking at some interior designing books..
and i really like the idea of Korean theme indoors (:
Very clean, neat and spacious yet unique.

Fairy Tales

everything seems very dull lately
this morning was full of shit
afternoon was full of fun thanks to tita, NgeOo&Ariel never fail to cheer me up(:
mm.. i really miss last summer ALOT to be honest.

i really need alot of motivation. Im loosing focus..
i've been getting sidetrack too much
ive been reminiscing more than usually lately ..
believe it or not.. i really will miss you very much more than i miss you now :/

Today, ive started rethinking everything again

Long Distance

dont you wish.. you could just simply delete certain people from your mind or at least put them in a recycling bin in your brain? So you wouldnt have to think about them and/or regret things.. and waste time reminiscing so you could lead a happy and productive day. Deleting pictures from your computer wont really help because their pictures & memories cannot be deleted from your brain. The only thing you can really do is to smile because you're thankful they were in your life at least for that short amount of time. Thats what you SHOULD do; but its hard not to be sad.

Electrolytes

This weekend .. even on saturday .. i have not stepped out of the freaking house! 3 days ..
I've slept and spent most of my 3 day weekend on my bed sleeping&resting. Had some time to think and talk to my cousins in the Philippines. I wouldnt say 3 days at home wasnt really a bad thing. It was a really good break from everything. I got to do some things i havent really had time to lately. I made up for lots of sleep that i lost and i feel refreshed.



my moms making me eat pickles -___-
does it really bring your appetite back?

Happy Birthday To Me

Today was my 17th birthday.
- mom woke me @ 6am for her own amusement. -__- but she got me a giant balloon.
- ate a coffee cheese cake thing that said it would expire 5/24 But i guess it decided to expire early
- Diarrhea
- Cj & Pichu came and left
- Ate some ice cream with Santi and Ngeoo.
- everybody lagged it but i don't mind we were just really bored
- When Eunice was just about done doing my hair i started feeling faint-ish then threw up and yea..
- Ariel and Frazier got their period in a smile face
- I felt bad cause i had to sleep while everybody was still there.


Thanks guys for comming even though i was sick :(
& thank you for the presents (:
& thanks to the adults for all the cash >:D


I've realized that most of my birthdays fail. They are cursed i can swear. Theres always something that goes terribly wrong. At first i didnt want to do anything for my birthday because i was scared and i knew something was going to go wrong again. My birthday felt just like any other ordinary day. I wasnt even the least bit exited about it

i see your true colors

today .. ended up being a really good day (:
- i was proud of myself at school in ALL my classes. except for 4th :(
- me, Ariel, Cj, and NgeOo played cards, chilled, ate ish
- Me, Ariel, NgeOo motivated each other to finnish hw after Cj left, although i am not done yet.. still need to do Chemistry Project due tomorrow! D:
- We had very open conversations and it felt really nice
- Ate alot of pizza & conversed with my mother
- Joshy told us the 7 fingers joke. lmfao
- im getting to know new people & Jean Luc better! :D him and Rina are so cute. That was basically me & Jean Luc's main topic lunch time in Ms. Coon's class. Shits like Filipino Central there.
- Me, Ariel & NgeOo discussed many things especially future plans for summer & after high school.

Gosh were old.. Our faces have all started maturing since this year.



this be a good week (:
Today i've realized i havent really been living my full potential.

Even Small things can be really sweet

ever since the day you left
my world has been flipped upside down. i cannot express how much i miss you. Why'd you have to leave me so soon? you know how much i needed you. Maybe .. this is really God's work and he does have a better plan for me that what i anticipated . I really do hope so because this shit is killing me. I know you guys are in heaven watching over me. Thank you for blessing me with such amazing best friends and boyfriend that brighten up my day when things go wrong; people i share precious memories with. im very happy and thankful i have these people in my life.


Slowly throughout the years i've become so lost and i have slowly lost interest in alot of things. Slowly but surely, i'm progressing and going back to the way i use to be .. the better me x3 (= thats my goal.

NHS PROM 09

was amazing (:
- amazing date
- fun night
- nice venue
- Pleasure Limo
- sore after dancing all night :P
- movies @ my house @ 1am ish
- lovely experience

not anymore

today was acctually a great day exept for that thing that bothered me and what people kept saying .. anyways!
-last day of CST! whoohoo!
i woke up at like 6:20am and russhed to shower and stuff .. thankfully i made it on time.
1st period was okay. we continued watching Raisin in the Sun as Mr. Farnsworth constantly paused the film to get off topic and waste time.. as usual
2nd period was a breeze as i pretended to have my book again. I need to get to school earlier so i can get my French stuff
3rd period was okay. we pretended to clean chavez's room. Benji was stuck on Bob's Journey for a bit on my phone.
4th period was chill. Me and Daniel had a great talk once again. He's a great person to talk to (: always makes me feel better about stupid shit and gives HONEST opinion on things.
lunch; Ngeoo and I decided to go to CVS to buy .. Frazier tagged along. Its so fun sneaking out :P
5th period we watched part of supersize me. That movie is gross
6th period "Father Charles Went Down And Got Bananas" learning notes is frustrating but fun.
7th period was good. OH SHIT i forgot to call Michelle to have our talk today .. tomorrow for sure.

Sometime in the Afternoon after all my arrends .. Cj came over! (: we took a while picking out what movie to watch but we decided to watch a Korean Movie "Seducing Mr. Perfect" interesting movie it was . it was fun

The Sun Shines on Everyone

I like old fashioned letters and old fashioned courting (:

Yesterday was fun. we had a lazy day after the 7/8 am 3 mile jog.
last night was fun. Cousin's were over but went out with Lisa, NgeOo,Ariel, & Cj to go party. saw people
Lisa slept over! we planned to stay up late but that failed cause we were dead.. just knocked out once we hit the hay. lol

We woke up early like @ 7 am O_o im sore! Today i just plan to go to church with mommy and do hw, study and essays .. AND my Brussels Presentation :O Crap i havent even started.
Well Lisa's Dad came too early to pick her up -_- EARL BROUGHT MY PUPPY! i cant keep him yet though.. He still gets milk from his mommy. maybe in two weeks or so i'll pick him up. I'm going to love May(: Just not really looking forward to my birthday for some reason. Never really seem to end up how i want to.
I cant wait to pick up my dog from Lisa in 2 weeks. (: i love him so much! He is fat & walks like a penguin LOL he waddles. SUPER CUTE! i just cant find a name for him yet. Me and my mom disagree on names. she wants these like retardo names so i just named him BABY for now til we agree on a name. Im going to take him on walks and sleep with him and stuff :D haha

----------------------------

2am 4/27

Me and Lisa have planned to go to more parties and raves this summer with Samantha & Suzanne. them and their British accents. i miss them. ANYWAYS.
The highlights of my day was chillin with the Lao's after NOT seeing them for like .. 3 years!? gosh its been so long. ANND most especially Ben leaving was such a blessing .. After shopping they came over and our parents conversed & catched up while me, the twins & Jlao chilled in my room. the twins are having a sweet sixteen and so im going to be in their little dance. im exited to make new Riverside friends again! i kind wish i stayed there; i would have better grades straight A's like 8th grade.. but then again i wouldnt have met close people in this area if i did stay.

I HAD A GOOD WEEKEND .. besides the stupid bitch who annoys me. but nothings gna bring me down no mo'! Thats a promise to myself im keeping. so .. F it! lifes too short to let just 1 person/situation bring you down especially stupid ones. i feel so blessed(: STAY HAPPY MOTHAFUCKA. F THA BULLSHIT thats what i keep telling myself. but there are those rare times when its very hard to do so.

today is so weired
i shouldnt let it bother me because im a nice and im not selfish
but it is
and for crying out loud i have the right!

too much hw in so little time

Us Against the World

back from spring break.

School was okay. I was looking forward to have a GRRREAT day but things here and there pissed me off and stuff. Besides that it was a pretty gooooooood day. Im feeling happy/anxious/ excited all the time about the days to come & the future. BUT ITS SCARY! oh well. ANYWAYS! Went to Michael's, In n Out then to Rina & Regina's house to do prom hair and try on dresses! and to talk of course! :) i love mah best friend. OH! it was Alex's birthday today.. she brought Chocolate cheesecake and stuff lunchtime.. very tempting but i dont know why i didnt get any O_o its okay.
SPRING BREAK! was pretty chill. slept and got ALOT of rest which was good. Health got better over break.

Monday: i was in an awkward .. position but the beach was fun.


wow. i feel like i was such a horrible person BEFORE.
watching so many people around me just waste their lives and their time on useless things. I really hope i wont be wasting my time on unnecessary things/emotions/thoguhts anymore when i could be doing something more useful with my time.

AE MEETING TOMORROW! im excited (: i miss SLYM so much. Theres lots of new people now i know for sure. Time to meet some new faces! exciting(:

ooh! i painted my nails HOT PINK (: im starting to be okay with the color pink and other strange colors. haha

------------------------------------------------

im hungry but kitchen is too far away -_- wow. i feel like a fat person inside seriously.. especially next to Kent. He smokes and still runs 4 miles and stuff everyday??? well i miss him. i miss lots of people.

fuck i just had alot of thoughts in my head i wanted to type down right now .. i forgot. Living in Canada seems interesting.


i'll continue my thoughts tomorrow if i have time. i just remembered what i was going to type but i'll save it for tomorrow. IM TOO HUNGRY! its 12 and CST is tomorrow. wtf. i was planning on sleeping at 10. aim and hw kept me up. -_- oh well it was fun. :D todays good.

Have a little faith in me

slept @ 3 cause i couldnt sleep. my brain was overflowing with thoughts and thinking.. but then milk always makes me fall asleep so i drank some.

IM INLOVE WITH JASON REEVES SONGS! thanks alot Rina.
first it was "just friends" then is i started listening to his playlist.
its been playing since last night til' right now.i spent my morning laying around my bed cause i was sleepy and hungry .. but lazyiness overpowered the hunger. i wanted to write really bad so i wrote you something. Gosh im corny but i like writing letters now! SO WHAT.

i cant help but think .. Im soo lucky. Very lucky for tons of reasons. also very lucky to have the opportunity to have a second chance to make everything right and i certainly SHOULD NOT RUIN THIS CHANCE this time! well life is still kind of still in that shithole but im slowly improving myself everyday. (:

today was a very odd day ..

I woke up @ 6:30.. so i had to rush to school ..
1st period was acctually okay today. Me, Mhariel, her friend, and Ashley talked instead of doing work haha
2nd period i was doing chemistry work since we had a sub. it was that one filipino lady who usually subs for choir & plays the piano.
3rd period came. i had a very pleasant surprise laying on my desk! too bad i could not respond .. It was really cute though.

mm .. afterschool ..

keep the past IN the past

"cause i know it hurts when
you loose the one you wanted
cause he's taking you for granted
and everything you had got destroyed .."

yes yes that was the theme of me and Rina's talk today.



everything after 4pm was great yesterday.
i love my cousins
and YOU.
thanks for makin my day a bit better

TODAY;;
is bad cause ..
- i woke up late
- sleepy the whole day
- hard time concentrating
- headache and back ache
- im stressed about my future but im excited

is good because ..
- i have am very close to figuring out what i want to major in
- realized a few things
- 4 people who make my day no matter what
- i .. am more determined/motivated have once again thanks to me and cousin's conversation last night about our future.


my day overall is neutral. Im doing homework .. tomorrow i will go to Ariel's house with Rina after her badminton practice and hopefully kidnap Nge Oo too if shes not doing anything. mwahaha OH! i wonder if me, Ariel will go thru with our april fools prank we were planning.. if she tells Katrina in 5th period mwahaha! she'd be down i think. but its too mean! D:

i love deep talks. They're great .. Me and Rina for some reason go through the same exact thing and the same / almost same type of guys at the same time. i love it cause we don't necessarily have to go through some things alone.

this has been such an emotional week. so many tears have fallen from my eyes. I HATE IT. asdfghjkl; thinking of so many things .. i need to stop thinking to much about too many things. but sometimes you cant help it. my future? my family, things, myself, you ..
i love my cousins man. They inspire me everytime i talk to them. they never fail to make me feel better at the end of the day and i dont know what i'd do without them.
I wish .. they all lived here in Cali and we'd all be one giant happy family. That would be the ultimate gift.

--------
im very scared and nervous.. whenever i think about it .. i cry
whenever i prepare myself for tellin you .. i cry.
whenever i think about the thoughts that will appear in your head & how you'd react .. i cry
WTF.
i wish i could rewind and take it all away.
not make the dumb mistakes i made
i would save myself all this trouble .

ive been crying almost every nigth since friday .. i feel like an emo bitch. wtf. this will all stop .. as soon as i get everything out and say it to you.
but i get so scared.. that i just change my mind and start acting like an immature weirdo to avoid thinking about it and crying infront of you.

love letter;

hope is all i've got
love is all i have to give
i know that wont be enough
but thats all i can do for now

because i believe in miracles

im sick.
i had the flu last night
my stomach feels funny nomatter what i do.
whats even better is how i started my fucking morning.

i woke up at 230 in the morning which was fine. i ate some noodles and snuck them in my room hehe watched tv. i was falling asleep but i had to text cj cause i was worried that i wouldnt get my Sadies ticket on time. when my mom woke me up .. she woke me up by yelling at me and picking another fight at me. she said i had to go to school whether i had a fever or not or if my stomach felt funny cause supposedly .. "ive missed too many days in school this year" when ive only missed about 2 or 3 so far 2009. UGH.

brb. ima cook. continue after

Fidelity

hw is more important that myspace and blogging.
im lessening the time i waste on myspace and unnecessary things
i need to go back to being a nerd and managing my time more adequately and stay on top of my grades again but sometimes it seems as if the harder i try the more impossible it is to go back :/ but its okay! im going to try my hardest to stay focused and forget unnecessary things. im doing good in THAT so far at least. Uncle Boy is comming to live with us again! hes really informational and sometimes cannot stop talking about a subject when you ask one simple question. its a good thing i guess cause its informational. D: maybe he can help me if i have trouble with Chemistry and especially ANATOMY! :D im kinda excited .. but not excited about the fact how my mom has to share rooms with me again ugh ;_;

Anyway, everything afterschool today was really great. I got lazy to pick up my stuff from Ngeoo's house today.. tomorrow for sure. I HATE FARNSWORTH! ugh. ill type about htat later maybe
OKAY HW TIME! blog after maybe if i have time or not sleepy.

"If you wait too long for the perfect moment, the perfect moment will pass you by"

brighter days

my goal for the past two weeks have been to blog but i keep putting it off. either im too busy, too tired or no time ): i like being busy though; but breaks are nice.
i want to start blogging from the MTPP day but .. i'll start that later. i'll work my way backwards from today if i have time.

today was a good day i suppose. i slept at 330 am cause i couldnt sleep): too much thinking but it was worth it. i woke up @ 7 and started doing chemistry homework that i put off last night cause i was a lazy bastard. i didnt care if i went to school lookin like shit .. i was just determined to get my homework done. my hair pissed me off the whole day. i really need to straighten it everyday sadly. anyway; school was a drag but i was more determined to learn and do my work thanks to the all nighter i had pondering. Cj brought Bella to school! Edward is a monkey .. he climbs on the top of his cage with his arms and does pull ups without his legs D: heavyweight hamster. Me and Monica wanted to take a nap during lunch but we couldnt. i got energized by all the sugar i had consumed. Me & Ariel were suppose to go to NgeOo's house afterschool but it got postponed til friday since we had too much homework and were too sleepy so i just went home. i have a crapload of homework to turn in for Chemistry tomorrow.. sigh. MR. HESS IS HAVING A BABYGIRL! :D congrats to him. but we'll all be sad when he misses a few weeks of school since his wife is giving birth soon. im excited for him .. mm what if his baby and BabyJoshua will be born on the same day.. that would be interesting.

i need to go back to staying positive and being strong. Having my old attitude back. YES i will get it back. i need to stop being so negative about myself and other things.. and i realize .. i should stop being afraid and taking things for granted cause im already regretting it. i should be careful on SOME things but wheres the fun in that? i want a challenge, adventure and i want to explore many things. no more dwelling on the past or thinking too much all the time. my head is finally cleared.

theres just one more thing thats going to keep me sad however .. and i guess scared.
but thats just one thing and nothings guaranteed. and nomatter what happens .. live goes on. Unfortunately; time is a very selfish thing. it wont stop or slow down for ANYONE nomatter how special or important you think you are.

"Love yourself first; genuinely"

arctic shelf

today sucks balls.
i feel so bad and sad. everything has changed. i really miss my best friend Daniel.. im going to put some extra effort into hanging out with old friends once again.
i miss how almost everything use to be. what the hell happend to me? i gross myself out sometimes. i have changed myself for the better but it seems like its not even getting any better at all. im not good enough ..

dead & gone

i feel like shit today. it is hard to decipher what choices i must make due to many events and emotions floating around lately. However thru it all it will be a good day tomorrow; and the rain doesnt last forever. The old Jessica is dearly missed but i will genuinely improve the new Jeska starting today. she will BE the best of both worlds. She will never settle for less or second best anymore.
Not many people know what i am upset about; in fact, there are only less than five who know of my troubles right now. so i expect you not to understand this little blog that i am rambling on.

anyway i start writing about my day.
today was a chill day. perfect day to sleep and for a movie night. mark and mariel chilled in my room and watched garfield as i upload pictures onto the computer. i fell asleep for a while but oh well. helped mariel get a new myspace but they left an hour later cause ateh dess had to work. i find the woman amazing. her body and face has the structure of a model and she works two jobs and handles two very talkative kids especially a kid like Mark AND the drama going on. Kuya tony is one lucky man.
moving on with my day.. the whole day i just sat infront of the computer, watched tv and fell asleep from time to time. my plan at cleaning my room failed .. but i got most of my things ready for pageant already except for a few missing necessities not purchased yet. my day was really boring and unsatisfactory.

37 red roses; 2 balloons & giant chocoheart

02/13: The first few hours of my day was really shitty. I feel even more stupid as the days before. I really should go back and read my books and be the little nerdy jessica again. I miss her.. I do better when i learn on my own not when someone teaches me. anyway .. It was raining today. Afterschool, Cj surprised me with 12 roses and a giant kiss.. I didn't know if the giant kiss was for me so .. I left it. Til this moment I still don't know lol watever. he still made my day either way(:

12am: we spent Val's birthday @ In n out w. Val, Jesmond, Monica and prayer meeting people AFTER the prayer meeting. It was really boring for me cause I was super sleepy the whole time ): I shudve napped before prayer meeting. Well approximately 45 minutes alter I got home and went to bed instantly.

10:30am: my plan tmo wake up early failed. So I was running late on EVERYTHING. Cleaning my room, and what made my day lag even ore was the 1994 Miss America Pageant that Ben made me watch. -__- it was around 2 when I got done cleaning my room and I got shower going. I went to the mall with my mom with my hair half curled so I used Cj's hat .. Well his friend's hat to cover the top of my head hehe. Me and my mom got in a fight for that whole 3 hours we were @ the mall and on the way back. :/ At this point of my day I was already convinced I was going to have another unsatisfactory Valentines.

me and Cj chilled @ Nogales Burger and played air hockey, tap tap revolution I think it was, and a few other games on his phone then headed to CVS cause we were bored. it was too late forkent to take me ice skating): I feel bad I made him wait all day especialy cause i havent seen him all year except that one time when he surprised me with my christmas present a few weeks after new years. Stupid thing >_< made me lag it. Oh well. Anyway; When I got home, I found Kuya Tony and his family were here! :D Daniel surprised me when he rang my doorbell. Good thing no1 heard it otherwise Ben would kill me for a male friend of mine to even just be on his doorstep. So I hid him outside and we exchanged presents and I finally gave him his super late birthday present but ill have to give him his letter tomorrow when we chill. Well .. Me, my cousin & her friends weren't chillin anymore . So .. Kent surprised me with a dozen red roses & we decided to visit the top of the world really quick cause its been months since we've been there. I finally gave him his birthday present also which was a jacket from forever 21 lol I hope he still wears it. it was freezing at the top of the world but it was worth it cause we watched the fireworks show at Disneyland from a distance. He took me home around 10pm cause he had to wish his friend a happy birthday.

So today didn't turn out so bad. This is the first Valentines Day that didn't go as bad as the other ones. it was really akward valentines day but an okay one i suppose.. yet i wasunsatisfied with this one little thing..
the flowers are all lovely I wish I could plant them all in my backyard but according to my mother, since it failed for her it will fail for me as well.