late night Bowling

Hung out with Jackie, Dorothy, CJ, Gabe, David, and Forster.

"Some people make things happen, some, watch things happen and some wonder what happen?"

- I'm normally a happy person. However when people around me are all negative and shit.. that starts bringing me down. ): I'm learning how to not let that phase me.
- I always have a lot to say, i'm just either too shy to say it.. or too lazy to type it haha.. or both
- I'm not stupid. Its just sometimes, i don't know how to explain myself to make the other person understand.. I don't know the right words to make the other person see my views and such. In short, i cant explain myself; well at least i seem to think so. I feel as though i'm trapped in my own head when i cant explain myself.
- i'm indecisive about a lot of things.. i know i only get one chance and when all my options are usually something i want to do, idk what to take that will be more worthwhile!
- i can be gullible. I trust people to tell me the truth but i know that people LIE and when they do, i trust them less every time. When someone says they're going to do something but they don't even TRY,yeah bugs me.
- If you respect me, i'll respect you
- i'm shy but once you make me feel comfortable, then i start opening up.
-

I use to:
- ballet
- paint
- play the piano
- i admit.. i use to do pageants..
- be scared of my barbie dolls
- be hella conservative.. as in wear sweaters and pants in the heat because i was self conscious of my chest.. GROWING and all.. and my armpits starting to sweat. lol



BLAH JUST RANTING! got lots of thangs all up in my brain.

"shoot for the moon because if you fail..you'll land among the stars" -A.k

I've been thinking alot about my future career possibilities lately.
so far here is the plan.. of course, they are subject to change.
If i had the brains for math i'd be an architect... dammit.. but...
I REALLY want to be a dermatologist. I really like working with science and skin, hair, and such.
However since it doesn't matter what i major in in a regular 4 year college.. i'm going to major in nursing so i get my nursing degree and work as a nurse while i am on the waiting list to go to med school for the dermatology program. within that time, i can decide for sure if i really want to do it or have the time&money to pursue it.. at least i have nursing as a career already if dermatology doesn't work out right? Dermatology takes like 18 years of school.. so i'd be a dermatologist when i'm around 40 D:
I'm going to also take a real estate class online &/or pursue a career at Crostex as their sales representative. Its easy money, they pay for all your trips so i don't have to worry about wasting money traveling. And it pays REALLY good. Oh i also want to be a photographer and do makeup&hair(cosmetology) on the side.. oh secretly i want to be a choreographer too but i know thats NOT happening LOL.
In the meantime in college, i want to be a sales associate at a clothing or shoe store. If possible.. maybe even modeling :P TEHE!

Theres SO MANY careers i want to pursue but unfortunately i only have the time span one life to pursue all of them.. so i'll settle for the ones that are in my line of interests and skills.(the ones above) I don't like wasting my time on things or people that don't matter cause i can use that time to establish something worthwhile.
I know you might say, "holy crap thats alot of careers" but really, i don't want to just have one because what happens when one fails? then i have nothing.. thats exactly what happened to my mom and i don't want that to happen. I want to be financially stable individually; i dont want to have to solely depend on my husband. When i go out to buy expensive things i don't have to ask him cause i know i got my own money to spend with a lot more to spare. I want that good life. I don't want to continue settling for just the necessities in life, i want the luxuries that i deserve.

"The greatest war you'll ever face is the battle WITHIN yourself."

I've been kinda moody this week.. probably because of my period but thats no excuse why anyone should just completely disregard my feelings and put myself aside until i come out of this phase.
Usually i have those days where i'm happy the world screw me over so many times because i learned from it and it made me a better person even though i might not have things other people have.
However for the past two days, I've had those feelings when i'm angry at the world for fucking me over. Where would i be today if i had my father with me and my mom? would we be in Texas or still in Chicago? What would have happened if my mom believed in herself to the fullest and pursued a more successful career? Where would i be? What if i cant take any of this shit in this house anymore that i decide to move to NY? ( thats REALLY hard.. thats why i'm hoping Kuya Ryan gets transfered out here to SoCal) How would i be like if i grew up a normal childhood, without major family problems left and right, moving here and there, my privacy in my room(at least where i'll get to close my door), with a mother, a father and a big brother? ..What if?
None of my family problems or my unfortunate childhood is my fault. The people around me made these silly mistakes that weren't even worth creating in the first place. They don't see that they only have one life to live so they shouldn't be creating all this drama&negativity to waste on such a precious lifetime. Its not my fault that i've been exposed to these things but its good because thanks to them, now i know what i certainly don't want to experience or become in my future.
In reality, i should not think about what if's.. actually i don't, just with family matters.. I don't want my children go to through what i went through in my childhood. I want them to grow up as happy,responsible children, with a great relationship with their parents.. (hopefully). 50% of Americans go through a divorce throughout their lifetime.. I sure hope i'm part of the 50% that stay together with my husband.. I'd rather not get married and focus on my career and my cousins rather than wasting a marriage.

Friday the 13th August 2010

I felt very productive today..
- Printing out Job applications and applying online.. i ran out of ink
- Payed for college all by myself :)
- Planning on going grocery shopping tomorrow morning by myself.. I also need to find time/a ride to go to the bank and buy some stamps from the post office sometime this weekend..
BY THE WAY.. did i mention i'm going to be home alone this whole weekend!? Well minus Tito Boy but he's never home anyways! :D
- NAPS! i love them!
- Typed up some stuff and i feel motivated after reading those again :)
- Mini work out.. slowly getting back on track with that lol
- Cj was looking at his old Tumblr posts so i decided to look too and it brought back some lovely memories. (:
sadly..
- It hit me that the mother i once enjoyed talking to really is getting old and she will never be the same again.
- HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA GET TO SCHOOL ONTIME! the bus routes i found take like 2 hours cause it goes all the way around to LA THEN Fullerton. Also, i'm very nervous for my first week.. i'm a lost puppy over there D:


I'm a tad sleepy and i probably should sleep but i'm just so excited! I'm anticipating the adults' departure at 4AM! i cant waste any time this weekend! i've got to enjoy every moment of it.. Relaxing in mi casa with mah babeh<3 In the meantime.. i'll be watching Fresh Prince Season 5... sadly im almost finished with my marathon but in time for college to start so i can focus more. tata for now..

P.S. i need to blog here more often cause sometimes.. i get to hesitant to say things on Tumblr cause everybody checks that.. No one really checks this soo.. you will be my MINI Diary where i will be free to say my feeelings, get all deep and shiiiiiizz. yaknowadimeeaan? PEACE!