Determination

During college
- another job
- Dance class
- Straight A's & worst grade is a B.
- new friends..
- License soon!
- own car & sowing machine!.. and all that good shit.

a few things on my mind

- Everyone has a negative part about themselves.. you can never escape that no matter how hard you try to be perfect. everyone is never gonna stop judging people. You just have to learn not to NGAF.
- One of the things i cant stand is when people give me attitude for no logical reason at all. C'mon, watch what comes out of your mouth&tone of voice and make sure that person really deserves that. It just pisses me off.
- i hate seeing a couple in this situation: i'm not sure exactly how to explain this but.. When you two know you guys are going to be with each other no matter what so you two get too lazy to impress the other and to go on dates and do special things.. and all that stuff. Too lazy to TRY for the other person. Too lazy to do things even fun things with the other person cause hey after all.. they'll love you&be with you no matter what right? -____-

I really like architecture.. if i was bomb at math.. i would definitely become one. But then again.. i really want to be alot of things that i can never be in just one lifetime.. i want to be a marine biologist, a dermatologist, architect, physical therapist /  chiropractor, major in psychology, cosmetologist, photographer, event planner, project organizer/manager, design clothes and have my own clothing brand.., interior decorator. i really wanna be all of these things but all i can think of doing is to just do it for fun i suppose.. or on the side.. but thats a hell of alot of stuff to do on the side. ):

072010;;Tuesday UNEXPECTED CANCELATION OF JACKIE'S DEBUT PRACTICE.

Today i was finally going to go get my dress for Jackie's debut altered but there was just one problem.. I had to wait for my mother to get home so i would have money to get it done.
- woke up at 8 and couldnt go back to sleep so i just stayed up and finnished watching season 4 of HIMYM.
- Did period laundry.. period laundries are when you laundry the stuff you stained and the rest of clothes you still need to be laundried.. which sucks cause i just did laundry 2 days ago.. Did my hair while i was doing that and watching HIMHM in the kitchen. lol
- Ate nothing at home..
- Finally, went to the taylor.. picked up CJ then went to taco bell.
- We were leaving when we got a text saying "Practice is kinda cancelled... blahblahblah" so we just went home.
- But when i went to cj's house today.. i saw Lisa, Tita Lita.. and Andoy and Joshua! they're so cute. i love them.. i've missed them ):
- Groceries with mi mama..
- now i am going to dye my hair.. organize my "important stuff" binder.. then apply to some jobs as i watch Season 5 of How I Met Your Mother..
i'll come back to this later once my whole day is done and tell you how everything went..

071710;;Saturday

- Fullerton w/ Mommabearb & Cir
- Eyeglass appointment @ Puente Mall (im getting contacts and sowing machine with my own money)
- McDonalds cause CJ wanted some ._. so bad 4 u 5 much
- we went to Jackie's debt practice
- Ace's Graduation & Birthday Party thing
- Now im @ Cj's. Jamie, Francis & Laurie picked us up. We just watched Indiana Jones with his auntie and Jj. Jann and Chris just came.

Stressin' Ain't A Blessin'

.. but its always worth it in the end.

everything is so irritating to me today! Partly cause i'm also stressed -_-
- people are laggin' on confirming
: the longer i wait for people the more Party Bus are being reserved by other and i'm afraid we wont have a decent price for a good party bus
: People are bailing or aren't sure if they would go on our limo for many issues
: people aren't communicating well -__-
: i'm disappointed Joey, Val and especially Cunteno isn't going to prom
- My dress.. i MIGHT have found a better one but its expensive and no refunds on my dress. If i really want to buy it i have to find someone my size who would buy it. I like it. its just i might not be able to dance properly.. maybe i'll just lift it and wear stockings under..
- ENGLISH AND FRENCH work
- My health
- There just cant seem to be enough time
- issues.. new things i'm thinking of.. things i'm realizing.. was i blind before? or was i trying to ignore the issues because i'm afraid to bring up the issues cause you wont listen.. you'll just HEAR me ? there IS a difference. BUT bringing up some issues means your dedicated to trying your best to improve and be as great as we can be together.. iono. i think ALOT and think about things more/deeper than others might.. best way i can explain it. Thats another reason why I like underground music/ when people rhym too. Feeds the mind and makes me think.
-Picture appointments.. Im trying to take care of everything now because i don't want to do last minute yknow? -_____- hate that shit. cause everyone is going to be reserving things before some people and we wont have room for our first choice for things and we'll have to pick second best and that usually means were not satisfied aand.. a more expensive price. I don't know why people wait to communicate BETTER last minute but who am i kidding? i'm such a hypocrite about that sometimes but.. i just learned that lesson today..
- who and how the heck is going to do my hair and make up and how am i going to do agatha's.. I hope Fatima can handle us 5.. and quick. if anything i can help her do hair and make up.
- fuck it.. if we cant get a group picture at a studio then i'll ask Fawzi tomorrow.. acctually i will for sure just in case.. thats probably going to be the case anyway! In this case, Fawzi will be one of my lifesavers. I don't know why thats a problem to some people though. If he doesn't have a backdrop, we can find a nice scenery to go to to take pictures.. just like La Sierra Prom! that photo shoot was fun cause it was funny. Steve, Nick and Jlao mostly i think. dorkwods. Miss them!
- I love my friends.. and the people i'm going to meet at prom. I really want to help them as much as I can have a good time and save as much money as they can. on this night. including me.. I already feel bad enough asking my mom for all this money but hey.. i have my needs.. she always makes me feel bad.. i sort of don't blame her though.
Anyways! but yeah.. i even talked to some people to drop the drama and just have fun at least for one night.. and if anything avoid each other! just not to make it weired.. even with Kathleen.. i'm willing to drop it.. everyone is going to try their best to deal with/avoid it for one night. I've been trying to encourage some people to go but I cant force them. It really sucks how some people cant go to prom at all in their lives.. or that they cant go to prom their senior year. i'm disappointed i wont have the opportunity to enjoy it with them. But they can always join us for midnight meal though.. i'll ask!
- Room is a mess. Too busy to clean it this week.. on a more positive note.. exactly one more week til' "Shrek" is going to leave! whoop whoop. and Jill's babies! I'm happy she trusts me with her babies. ^_^

more i was thinkin bout today but i'll end this here cause i'm super tired. showatime. peace out Holmes.

p.s. sorry if its hard to understand.. i just rushed through it.

April, Patrick and puppies birthday!

Glee! i love Glee.. why wasn't i crazy about it before? I don't usually watch TV but it's become one of the shows i cannot miss! They are Glee, American Dad, Family Guy, HIMYM aand.. i think thats all.

Right now i'm trying to find a party bus with J.Belarmino.

Today.. was late.
- Chambers
- Senior Gym thing. it was boring at first but then it got fun.. mostly talked to Agatha and Mervin.
- Med Core was pretty chill. humid
- Psych. fell asleep as the period was prolonged cause doggies were checking cars for bud in the parking lot
- Lunch was cool. Got lunch with Monica and shared my burger with Raffy. I kept thinking I had Treble right after so I took my sweet ass time eating.. Junette ended up takin it to P.E.
- French 2 was alright. Aced the test and sorta practiced the dialogue with Alvaro but then he was being stupid and i got bored so me and Ale interrogated him on who he likes.
- Treble was watevers
- Shared Mervin's ipod with him while we chilled with Keith, Russell and Axel. His ipod is funny hehe i like his music. I needa steal them.
- Detention but since i was early and only one other guy came, Mr. Hodges let me leave after 30 minutes of doing homework in the little room.
- Rushed home to sleep but before I could.. Mya and Nicholas's dad was over. Talked for a bit then he left and i was able to finally have my sleep.
- Woke up to my mom informing me that Jill gave birth at lunch today
- spent alot of time with them today.. didn't even eat dinner yet.. Jill gets mad when my mom, Ben approach her.. especially Jack but she doesn't get mad when I do. haha i feel special.

So i just talked to my Grand-aunt.. shes like one of the 3 only living siblings of my Grandma.. there were 12 of them. Its really sad.. it makes me miss my family more and its even more sad how she sounds even older.. Last time i saw her she was still up and about and roaming the malls but now.. it seems as though she just stays home. She sounds so tired and she talks ever so slowly and its hard for her to hear.

Anyway, so it seems that I see my friends from church in a different light than I do with the people i see almost everyday. However I am trying to apply that to them and it seems to be going well so far! I love it. Keeping this up for sure. Also, more rest helps see things in a better light.
I really need to learn how to behave properly. I thought i already did but there are times when I need a break and i say the stupidest shit. Thats when i say stupid things that I don't even mean. Thats when i say things without thinking.. I need to use my head more often.

Personally..
I prefer calls over texts
Web Cam over calls
but above all, I prefer talking in person above all things.
I hate talking things out when you're not in person.. its no the same

I hate 1 or two worded responses when you're tryna keep up a conversation
that other person isn't giving any effort in the convo.
so you end up feeling all lame and boring cus you keep gettin' ignored.
Its also not polite.

Youth Rally 2010

Was super fun! Pre-Rally was equally just as fun. Met LOTS of new people. I forgot half of those names though ): too much names and new faces to take in all at once.
PRE-RALLY
- Ice Breaker when I arrived. First person I met was Paul who gladly helped me remember how it works. Met Karima?? and went up with her. Got intoduced to Randy who goes to Damien High with Paul.
- met more people
- Did a Cheer with the SEN10RS
- Ate with Daniel.. (not Daniel Lozada, Rommel's friend)
- placed in a group where i met: Josh Lim, Monica Rodd, Stella, Karina/Katrina, Erica, Paulina and i forgot who the other girl was i'm sorry >_< Josh was our PIMP since he was the only guy haha
- made poster with the groups idea
- Me and Monica were flooding with ideas for the cheer so we ended up changing it like a few of times which made Josh confused. haha we made some dope ass cheers!
- Halo Halo people came from their performance @ Walnut High
- watched Witness perform our skitn for the Rally. I want to be part of Witness. I'll ask more about it.

YOUTH RALLY!
- had to take the bus to St. Liz since i had no ride. Ended up being late which caused me not to get my pass.. they couldn't find mine. Busted a mission to find one. Ended up getting Nikki's since she didn't come ): My name was Nikki for a day
- Joe gave his seat for me. First sat to some guy who was boring cause he didn't cheer or anything. he was pretty shy. He was blocking me from sitting next to Stella and Daniel Lozada ):
- Raffy saved me a seat before i even got there so i moved to sit next to him, Ron, April and Joanne.
- was acctually next to people who were down to do that hiper cheer thang with me hoooray!
- Joe Melendez ( Christian Rapper) performed for us) what was weired was that he rapped the Rosary O_o but we all just went along with it anyway lol
- LUNCH: ate with the people i sat next to. met people from other churches&schools. Gave away 'SLYM LOVES YOU' bracelets to new friends.
- moshpit of doom! Giant Group hug of doom
- danced to songs that JJ Aquino was playing
- Commercials & Videos of people dancing
- SLYM's Witness crew perform our skit!
- Fr. Ricky Viveros.. HES FUNNY. i love him. he's not your average priest. alot of the priest stories i hear are kinda like his. trouble maker, never went to church, party hard, etc. then they become a priest all of a sudden. interesting
- the Exposition of the BS. Knelt & Sat but me and Raffy fell asleep a couple of times to be honest haha
- Break then workshop.
: played a different version of Mafia
- Mass. Saw the Aquino fam! Said hi to Mr. Aquino and the kids. Actually sang the songs with everybody. it was acctually a pretty fun mass :o incrediball
- St. Paul won the Spirit award! whoop whoop! Proud of them
- pictures! pictures! exchanging numbers with people. sorting rides for Applebees
APPLEBEES
- Rode with Daniel as his mom, Josh and his neice took us there. We caught up on the way. reminisced.
: 2008 years ago youth rally, I sat next to Dlow and we cried.
: 2008 AE Retreat. I told myself i wouldn't cry when I saw Dlow but tears just came pouring out when we did.. tears of happiness!
- waited outside for a while. Talked with people. Abraham,our energizer bunny got high lmao
- Party room couldn't even contain us so we dispersed into the rest of the restaurant.. Half if not most of us occupied Applebees
- Saw Virginia and Jason! and apparently Josh was there too.
- We were all so full we just couldn't wait to pass out on our beds
- goodbyes Sadly( post up my videos later )

continue this later also as i told my Penguin I would sleep already. PEACE HOMES

- Fairfax Village
- The Grove
- Americana

Prom

I'd really love to go if money wasn't an issue. I've always wanted to buy my dream prom dress from LA. I guess i can always buy one from LA on the next formal event i am invited to. (: I'd be spending time with CirJeffrey either way so i'm sure i'd be just as great.
Last year's prom was fun. So was La Sierra.. I loved meeting all those strangers. they were so nice and they became my friends for one night .

i cant concentrate. i cant stop crying. i fucked up :x

March 8th, 2010;; Monday;; Happy Birthday

Late Start
- Ditched 1st and 2nd
_ didn't do ballad
_ finished cake and got ready to attempt to look good for Cir on his birthday
- 3rd was chill. Creeper stare.
- 4th Mean Girls!
- 5th: pointless. we basically only had enough time to do an audio sponge.
- Lunch with Ariel!
- 6th: we alright i suppose.
- went home to pick up Cj's cake. Deep talk with Michael! missed that.
- Jack in the Box with Cj, Jackie, Abby. Mervin and his dad was there.
Cj's house
- Hung out w/ Anne and Katrina while Abby, Jackie and Cj chilled in the living room.
_ everybody says there annoying, maybe sometimes they can be. People need to seriously stop hating & talking crap about other for no legitimate reason. that ticks me off.
- Momma picked me and Cj up so i could treat Cj on his first time @ Applebees! Our date was chill. We don't usually go on dates so it was exciting.
- They started assembling their new T.V. down in the living room.
- MW2 and laptop @ Cj's room until everybody (Lisa, Jann, Francis, Jamie, etc.) slowly showed up to his house. Cj blew his cake
- Shooters for free coins!
- 2 rounds of Basketball. t'was a workout.


I'm sorry that your birthday ended kind of bad. Like you said, your going to get over it eventually.

I seriously need to sleep a lot more but I don't have the time and when i do.. i can't. I'm assuming its cause i fear that if I sleep, i'd always be missing out on something; something else I could have done while i was sleeping that i probably wont have time to do later when i wake. Lack of sleep is affecting my daily performance. its throwing it off track.. also my upcoming period.. i can feel it tomming since i'm recently so emotional and so vulnerable to tears.

- why the fuck do i think about these things all late and not on the spot! fuck -_- now its too late. Also, my memory is decaying slowly.. Back pains getting worse.. stomach pains.. easily exhausted.. WHY. fuck where is my doctor at? damn Sacramento. Arnold S. is a shitty governor. he belongs in movies not in the office.. dumbass. I know people don't give a fuck unless they are affected by unfair changes. I ask you, why? that shouldn't be the case. Although i'm graduating, i still care that grades 1 - 12 wont have extra curricular activities next year. thats just stupid. Also, the fact that they are cutting people's medical insurance to "save money" causing people to pay $1,050 for each visit to the doctor.
Our principal is stupid also. when we get free money, she spends it on things unrelated to school such as hotdog fiesta wtf? -_- Employees with superior positions are abusing their authority and treating individuals with inferior positions so unjust. what is going on with the world? Making idiotic decisions left and right. Decisions that should actually be common sense.

Day 52;; 022010:Saturday

- Rancho w/ John, Celine, Agatha & Ace!
_ i love car rides with Agatha mwahaha. its so hilarious
_ shot some scenes. Ace kept making me laugh whenever we were suppose to be serio
_ Ice Cream Truck. Bought Galo ice cream
_ Ong-Bak : hes churayzee he does all his crazy moves by himself without strings. i love it.
_ Park to shoot fighting scenes: made up a sneaky sneaky plan while talking to Agatha mwahaha
_ Galo's while John, Celine and Galo pick up Galo's car from the Store.
_ me and Jackie play with Baby Jackie! shes so cute. she was dancing with Elmo and showing me her toys.
- finnishes Galo's Vegi Lasagna. i feel bad. We ate all of it up and i think it was for the family to eat. :x It was bomb though. at first i thought it wouldnt taste good so i didnt get excited but then i ate some off of Jackie's plate and it tickled my tastebuds.
West Covina
_ It was a saturday night and we weren't doing shit. So we decided to go to John's house for a while to eat and chill.
_ John took everybody home.

Swear in French
“Oh, merde!”, Oh, shit!
“Va te faire foutre, trouduc” , Fuck off, asshole
“fils de salope,” “Son of a Bitch”
(C’est des) conneries! (This is) bullshit!
Batard, Bastard
Casse toi!, Piss Off
Connard, Idiot
Debile, Idiot
Encul , Faggot!
Enculer une mouche, go fuck a fly
Fils de pute, Son of a bitch
Fils de salope, Son of bitch
Fous le camp, fuck off
J’ai envie de chier ,I want to shit
J’en ai rien ? foutre ,I don’t give a fuck
Je t’emmerde! ,Screw you!
Je vais te baiser., I’ll fuck you
L?chez mon clito ,Lick my clit
L?chez mon cul, Lick my ass
La putain de ta race, Whore of your race
Mais qui diable ?tes-vous?, Who the hell are you
Merdi! ,Shit
N’exag?re pas!, Don’t push it!
Nique ta m?re, Fuck your mother
Petite pute, Little whore
Quel tar?!, What a nerd!
Sacre bleu, oh my god!
Salaud!, Bastard!
Salope, Bitch
Ta gueule , Shut up
Ta mere la pute, Your mum’s a whore
Ta mere suce des bites en enfer, Your mother sucks cock in hell
Truie, Slut
Tu d?connes ou quoi?, Are you crazy
Tu d?lires!?, Are you crazy!
Tu et un ane , Your a jackass.
Va t’empaler encule, Go fuck yourself
Viens m’enculer , Fuck me
Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?, Will you go to bed with me?
Vous ?tes (des) malades!, You people are sick!
Vous les vousco chez avec moi?, Will you sleep with me?
baise toi , fuck you
jouir, cum
le con, la conasse, la chatte cunt
manges la merde, eat shit
maudite vache, asshole/bitch/etc
mon dieu, My God!
putain, pute, whore
pute, bitch
tu m`emmerdes!, Fuck yourself!
va te faire foutre, go fuck yourself
vas faire foutre a la vache , go fuck a cow.
vas te faire enculi, fuck you
Ãa craint!, It sucks!

Day 38;; 020710: Sunday

- Woke up when Kuya Paul, Ahshohn, Wanya & Jarell arrived. Had no idea what they were doing here. apparently there was a surprise party planned for my mom.. but on a Sunday AND Superbowl? OK. I doubt Ben knows how to plan a Superbowl party let alone a regular partyso that was bound to fail. All he does is overload on food and people just sit around and gossip. How boring!
- Worked swapmeet. My first job was to watch over the girl's bathroom and check every hour. -___- Boring too so i went to go help Aaron with parking in the basketball courts. that was fun.

- Woke up when Kuya Paul, Ahshohn, Wanya & Jarell arrived. Had no idea what they were doing here. apparently there was a surprise party planned for my mom.. but on a Sunday AND Superbowl? OK. I doubt Ben knows how to plan a Superbowl party let alone a regular partyso that was bound to fail. All he does is overload on food and people just sit around and gossip. How boring!
- Worked swapmeet. My first job was to watch over the girl's bathroom and check every hour. -___- Boring too so i went to go help Aaron with parking in the basketball courts. that was fun.
- No church for us today
- Party was chill
: Francis came! i havent seen that little girl in so long! too bad i missed Ateh Lea. she left before i came. Little Jesse is just the cutest!
: napped cause i was exhausted
: Lisa couldnt come because she had no ride ):

Day 37;; 020610: Saturday

Happy birthday to my momma & Happy 10 months to my babyboo
- Momma let me hang out with Cj today since she was already going out. She said we'd just hang out Sunday
- Had a lovely hang out with my baby
: casa, McDonalds, Cj's room for some F.R.I.E.N.D.S., MW2, and funny stuff.
- Brian's birthday Party
: Beer Pong & Soda Pong
: played some funny game.
: Dave Chappel Show in Lauren's room. Hilarious show but honestly i was falling asleep
: Met Frank! hes so fat and cute
- Slept and got dropped off by Grace around 3 or 4.

I'd say today was a good day. All i've really used my debit card for is fast food. Quick summary cause im bout to KTFO. peace.

Day 36;; 020510: Friday

CAREER DAY and the unexpected rain!
- First we discussed our group's basic ideas. our group Jackie, Celine, John Belermino, Ace, Marcos, Daniel and Galo.
- career day was chill but i liked it.
: skipped 2nd to 5th period :D
: free food
: recruiting people for choir next year.
- Leslie and Sam were here! :D
- 6th went really well!
: I get so frustrated with this choir but when everybody gives alot of effort and when we all have a good amount of focus, i just never want it to end. I must admit i think i'm more comfortable singing at this hour of the day.
- Sat around with Yugioh nerds at the benches waiting for people to see w'sup
- postponed trip to Ikea.
- Went home
: watched friends and fell asleep which caused me to miss poetry and Walnut basketball game. Damn. Nogales AND Lakers lost. wthell?

Only regret: Not going to Poetry and Walnut Basketball Game with people.

Things off the top of my head:
..Please give effort to hang out by ourselves at least for an hour or two tomorrow >_< there are some things we haven't talked about in a while cause we always surrounded by people and they don't need to be getting all up in our business.
..Needa doctor and a job dammit
..I feel bad for my mom. its her birthday tomorrow and shes sick. I hope i wake up early enough to make her breakfast. Goodness knows how early that woman wakes up.
.. Happy 10 months tomorrow :)
..I need mo'food
..Your a big fucking perve. I cant move freely/comfortably in this house. -_- I wish i could sing, walk around wherever as i please, work out and what not but noo.. your a big retard and i fucking hate you for putting me through shit. although it did make me stronger.
..i miss painting! i need more paint, paintbrushes, making things and a sewing machine. might ask for one for my birthday.
..I LOVE RANDOM DAYS.
..im bored so im just ranting
.. I miss being outgoing. what the fuck happend? why am i so hesitant around friends and not when im around strangers? that shouldnt be the case. why am i only outgoing when im out of town? i should be like that wherevers i go. cheers to new beginnings!


p.s. this is dope

Day 35;; 020410: Thursday

- picked groups for Inferno Project. i acctually like my group this time and i cant wait to do the project.
- second through 8th was a drag
- Lunch was chill. Orange Chicken!
- 6th went great! but i no likey all you damn hoppo.s in there
- Cj's house with Jackie, Abby, Benji and Centeno!
: Ate, Bathroom, took a while to get Jackie's car started.
: I missed Pichu and Bella
- back to school!
: Art Room
: Painted, sang, checked out art.
: why haven't i joined art all this time? ):
- Target w/ Cj, Abby, Benji and Centeno to pass time
: Saw Jenwin&Sammy and Don&Princess!
- Jack in the box.
: used my HK debit for the first time for some those damn good curly fries.
: Centeno left
- Got dropped off @ Benji's
: Instead of watching a movie, we decided to chill and put our feet in the Jacuzzi
: Cj and Benji decided to just go in.. i couldnt ): it was very chill and relaxing though.
: Knocked out right after my relaxing shower. couldnt help it!

YAY for random days!
Oh im growing my eyebrows so i can reshape them. k bye